shes crush(ed).

2005-02-16T20:45:00.000+08:00

I think I'm gonna move pretty soon. TO MY ELJAY! (:

2005-02-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

I think I'm gonna move pretty soon. TO MY ELJAY! (:

2005-02-14T19:05:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 2/14 ! <3

Ah yes, Valentine's Day again. But NO, I'm NOT anti-Vday or anything LAH. (:

I gave people the card(s) today. Hope y'all liked it though. & Mandy my dearly beloved, thanks SO much for the chocs & candies. Really appreciated it!

UGHS. That Josh is like totally pissing me off in the Board. I just wish I could like strangle him to death or something. He hasn't reported AT ALL for the past 2 months, doesn't do his duties (not that I've seen OR heard of), doesn't attend briefings, & doesn't attend meetings. Seriously, I told Ashley & Nadia off just cos of this freaking person. Ash & Nad are both innocent, but yeah. I needed to give them THAT responsibility, I'm gonna go afterall! & yes, back to that Josh, if he doesn't report at 0650 on Wednesday morning (ah yes, I'm good enough to give him up till WED to report), he's SO gonna get a dressing down from me FOR SURE.

I SO hope he reads this. GRRR ! Cos I've been tolerating with him for the past 2 freaking months & he HAS NOT improved in any way at all.

Okays, I shall not bother myself with such freaks. :D

Tomorrow's another long day. I'm so uninterested in tomorrow, can it be cancelled? (:

I'm being random. Totally.

I need to rant. I need to cry. I need to ~~cut~~.

2005-02-12T22:09:00.000+08:00

Reading Eliza's blog makes me rejoice for the fact that I'm still single & totally lovin' it. (:

& definitely, it made me think back about the good & bad side of being in a relationship.

But I still think that there are more bad than good to it. I mean, what good can it bring you, other than companionship that is. Besides, what exactly is true love? Who actually knows true love?

To me, love is nothing but about giving all that you have, & never expecting anything in return at all. It's about loving that special someone with all the love you possibly can give, with all the care you can possibly shower him/her with. & giving him/her all that TLC he/she needs. It's not about whether or not he/she loves you as much as you do... It's about you knowing that you love him/her & that you care for him/her.

There're so many different kinds of love. & the most divine, sacred & brave one would be the kinda love that gives you the courage to let go of that someone, & to allow him/her to seek his/her own happiness. That's the kinda love I'm most envious of.

But don't you think that love is such a superficial thing? One day you're whispering sweet nothings to one another, & the next day, you guys are treating each other like TOTAL strangers.

Monday's Valentine's Day, have YOU got any plans already?

Anyways, Valentine's isn't just for that special someone. RIGHT?

i almost loved you.
i almost wished you loved me too.

2005-02-11T22:13:00.000+08:00

OHH WHEE!

I've been doing SO much shopping lately. -smirks

& I've walked till my soles are hurting for WHOA.

I've gotten a new bag for school. A ripcurl one. & Momma got me a pair of Havianas which I don't really like cos it's under the Havianas High series & its baby blue in color! Yikes.

I'm just SO not the baby blue kinda girl. Anyhows, I still love my Momma. <3

& Momma herself has bought like a TON of stuffs. HAHA. She's just filthy rich all of a sudden.

OHH. I skipped school today. YES, I'm a BAD kid. ((:

I saw MX & them just now though. HAHA. How coincidental huh?

OHH! & those three guys I saw at Heeren's just now! -shrieks I just SO know them, but I can't remember their names. They were from XSLC too! I know one of 'em is Samuel from the Water Polo Team CHS. & there's this other guy who's really hilarious, he was like SO funny during the XSLC. I know they saw me too, cos we both like wanted to say hi, but didn't. HAHA. Life's just plain ironic.

Speaking of XSLC, I miss my homies! Those of you... GRRR! I wanna meet!

Anyways. Valentines on Monday... Have YOU gotten a date already? HAHA. & have YOU gotten HER a present already? LOL.

I shall stop reminding YOU.

I still wanna go shopping!

2005-02-09T03:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

I haven't updated in such a long time already! HAHA. Life's been pretty erm... balanced, I suppose.

Past few days was SO hectic I barely had time to rest. Was extremely busy shopping for clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, & then there's still the School's CNY Celebrations.

& Momma bought me a Tiffany & CO. necklace & a ring!

TADAA!!! I love my Momma! <3

OHH!

& the CNY Celebrations in school ran rather smoothly. & I'm HAPPY! ((: Everything went as planned. & KangWei came to school in the tee that I gave him for his birthday. That made me even happier. HAHA.

After the Celebrations, the PB took photos & all. It was fun!!! I love my Logistics honeybuns&candypuffs! They're the best! & of course, with our 'L' sign!

& then today I had my reunion dinner, it was ok lah. I mean, not everyone was around, & this & that. But it was alright, I guess. I'm ONLY looking forward to the first day of CNY (which it already is), cos I get to collect ang pows!

It's gonna be ang pow galore, & Momma has planned to have my fam all decked in pink, YES, Pappa inclusive. HAHA. That's SO her style.

Okays, gotta go crash. ANG POW GALORE ONCE I'M UP!

2005-02-04T21:58:00.000+08:00

OHH!

Coral won against Broadrick.

27:24.

That was one helluva close shave. Phew. I almost died watching the game, which was practically full of free-throws. HAHA.

The game actually tied at 21:21. Then there was overtime, & just as I thought we weren't gonna make it, we did! YAYNESS. I'm SO ecstatic.

& Hazel thought I had a crush or something on Number Fifteen. HAHA. OHH. & I didn't know till today, that Number Five was Number Fifteen's brother! HAHA. No wonder they look SO alike.

Anyways, POA test today was okay. But 40 minutes is seriously NOT enough to finish that kinda questions. But whatever. I can't be bothered with tests, not as if it's gonna contribute any effing mark to my O levels.

Monday, the Board's gonna take the PB photo. SO HAPPY! Even though I'm gonna leave pretty soon. ): I'll miss those honeybuns&candypuffs of mine! -pouts-

& especially, I'll miss doing those f*cked-up duties that serves no purpose at all. & collecting the attendance record from the teachers. Walking around the whole hall during assemblies. Picking on bad asses in school. Yelling at people who are dirrespectful. Putting people down for CIP. HAHA.

& above all else... I'll miss those special people.

Tisa, Joti, Ying Xuan, Yvonne, MingXiang, Hafeez, Muhaimin, KimSwee, Bridget, Maxine, Josh, Ryan, Ashley, Nadia Goh, JunCheng, Sean, Hazelin, Abigail.

PHWOAR. That's SO much, but I'll miss everyone.

YES, I MEAN IT!

I'll miss Mr. Sundram too. He & his crazy pep talks to the EXCO, & those little things he says & does to keep our morale sky-high. & teaching EXCO phrases of spanish.

MUCHAS GRATIAS MR. SUNDRAM!

Okays, enough of love-spreading. HAHA.

Everything's like getting weird lately. There's less things for me to talk to people whom I used to be close to just a while ago. & now I talk to people whom I'm not as close to, even better than those I'm close too. GRRR !

Everything's NOT right.

I just pray that the stars will collide to see who outshines.

Will these stars tell me stories so beautiful to make my broken heart alright? Just remember, never make promises that we can't keep.

2005-02-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

Today was a LONG day. I'm so effing tired I can crash.

I pretty much slept through Chinese lesson, I SO needed sleep!

I'm SO pleased with myself. I actually did my Math 1 & when Mr. Loo returned it to us today, my name wasn't called for incomplete work! ((: & he even gave me TWO stars on my book! YAYNESS.

I'm SO starting to drift apart. GRRR.

& during PM today, we were discussing about a person's development in five different aspects. & it kinda struck me that it is important to have a social life. But mine sucked big time. GRRR. HAHA.

Oh wells. Eileen needs a break.

& there's a F&N test tomorrow on Digestion & Vitamins&Minerals. ):

I need a break. GRRR. I'm gonna bite pretty soon, & very hard too!

2005-01-31T22:45:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I'm starting to feel full of wrath whenever I attend my netball. GRRR. It's all the teachers' fault. They think I'm full of excuses when I'm full of STRESS.

I just hate it when I have to compromise on either side of my work, & end up getting scolded by both sides. It's just not easy, especially when your teacher-in-charge is Mdm Samsiah. Trust me, she's the WORST teacher EVER in Coral's entire history. YES, she's THAT bad.

She NEVER bothers to think from a student's point of view, at least Miss Amy Ong tried, & always gave advice whenever she could.

Aww, speaking of Miss Amy...

I MISS HER! ):

Oh wells. Today in F&N class, we got the Task Question!

-hyperventilates-

One is about fibre & the other about proteins. Pretty relieved though, cos at least the Questions aren't as tough as the ones that teacher told us to work us last year. (:

I got back the POA Class Test 1, & I got my first ZERO! HAHA. Know why? Cos I was sick & wasn't in school when teacher gave that test, & when I wanted to take the test, she wasn't in school. & WHEN SHE WAS, THEN I WASN'T IN SCHOOL!

GRRR!!!

CNY celebrations are kinda taking off pretty well, & I'm HAPPY! At least there aren't screwups on my part.

I hope to see ALL my seniors on that day though. I miss them TONS.

KangWei called just now. ):

He said he injured his head/forehead, I don't know. But sounds pretty bad to me, cos he said he got erm... hit by a stone or something. Trust him to tell me only now. GRRR. Oh wells, I hope he gets well soon though.

you call it over & i call you psycho !

2005-01-29T23:04:00.000+08:00

Did I tell you our school's basketball team won over Ping Yi?

24:45

They're such sore losers, by the way. They were like so pissed after the match on Friday, & they kept like cussing scathing remarks at our players.

PYSS basketball team can STFUPLZKTHX. ((:

KangWei has finally gotten a haircut. So has MX. & their hair is SO cool.

Anyways, there's SO much for me to do right now. & that POA test on Friday, I'm SO gonna flunk it. Cos my whole format for the accounts was WRONG! That's gonna be the first POA test I'm every gonna flunk since last year. HAHA. I'm making history. (:

Oh wells. At least I passed my FIRST Math test since Secondary 3! I got 17/20. I'm SO happy. Yayness!

The CNY thing is SO maddening. SO many changes here & there. SO many schedules to draw up. & worst of all, SO many days on which I've to stay back. GRRR.

I better go study now & get my homework done, what with that 3 tests coming up in this week. GRRR! Besides, my back is aching like f***.

2005-01-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

Y'know, school is SUCH a killer of social lives.

I still haven't taken my first POA test yet. & there's Physics test tomorrow on magnets & magnetism, which I oh-so-detest. & Friday there's the second POA test.

GRRR.

School was pretty okay today, 'cept that I've no idea how I'm gonna do my Math homework cos I miss an important lesson last week when I was absent from school, & now I know nuts about further loci, & like what on Earth is regional loci. & GRRR. Loci is totally useless. & I mean totally.

F&N is like so UGHS. We have to like start all the way from Task Analysis again. & it's like we know how it's all gonna be already & Miss Tso expects us to do a recap, when the F&N Question is gonna be released in erm a month's time, I think.

& the effing CNY Celebrations thingae is torturing me BIG time. All that planning & arrangement & liasion with the students & teachers & what nots. & it's like I just detest putting people to work, & do dumb stuffs like these.

If money talks I wanna buy you.

2005-01-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

-HYPERVENTILATES-

My dumb PC hanged just as I was about hit the publish button! I hate blogger. UGHS.

OUCH.

I've got this dumb headache which won't go away. & it keeps on 'pounding' in my head.

OHH. Math test today was pretty awright. I hope I pass though. (:

& yes. I'm starting to enjoy Math class in a way, even though I still detest the subject very much. I just realised Mr. Loo has a pretty weird habit of smiling to himself in a corner. He seems interesting enough... But I still don't see why he's my VP. Oh wells. He was pretty nice in class today. He kinda did this dot thingae with us. MUAHAS. & I knew the answer to one.

But it was pretty easy. HAHA.

& I passed all that little notes to my friends today. But too bad I didn't have enough time & paper to do it for a couple more people. (: I hope you guys liked it!

Have I lamented on how much school's killing me & my social life? Like totally, man. With each passing day, the bloody dreaded Os just appears to be bigger, wider & erm... rounder.

I went for this sports leadership thingae too. Pretty cool, what with all that sports physio & this & that. ((:

I'm gonna go now. Pop a panadol & get some rest!

2005-01-23T03:30:00.000+08:00

Who's that ... in my doodle-board?

'fess up!

Ohh. I've written some lil' notes for my friends. (: I'll pass it to you guys on Monday awrights?

Thanks to all who've been around through this very bad times. I love you guys!

2005-01-23T03:25:00.000+08:00

Like what I said. It's all over.

Leave it as that. Why are you so bothered over what I've written anyways? It's just a reflection on my part.

I've got you all flared up, & that's certainly NOT my aim.

Oh yeah. I want the answers, pretty much yes. But that's irrelevant to you flaring up. Or is it relevant?

~~I do not know.~~

But whatever the case is, I'm gonna throw a cemetry party & be violently happy. Cos I don't wanna be no emotional biscuit, being a crush(ed) piece of paper is enough for me.

Wait.

The glass is shattered, & I've swept away the pieces.

From now on. There'll be NO more glass left in my bleeding heart. I want a jigsaw puzzle now. At least it can be pieced back when it's all messed up, not like a piece of glass... Once it's broken, there's no repair.

I still do treasure the memories though. But I doubt you will, having your other banana with you is pretty good a life for you... to even think back about all our hysterical days.

2005-01-22T17:50:00.000+08:00

Will you be my cavalier?

Today is a boring day. READ: BORING.

Math test on Monday on Cumulative Frequency Graphs. I hope I can pass. Physics test on Thursday on Magnetism or something like that. HAHA. I'm not gonna do well for this. ):

The ghosts have been liberated. & there's a star I kinda scratched out on my arm. (:

Oh my. The girl is crush(ed).

2005-01-22T01:19:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I'm not being fair to you. Especially you, cos I've no idea AT ALL why they aren't happy with me.

It's like you aren't even supposed to be in this fix, BUT somehow, you landed up here.

You're always there for me, & I'm really appreciative.

I just don't wish for this matter to hurt you.

As for them, I've no idea. WELL, if you think that I shouldn't be assuming. Just to let you know that, you've prolly heard my side of the story somehow. BUT I haven't heard yours. & since YOU know everything about this whole thing because it was you who walked out on me, I've got every right to assume what's going on. SIMPLY BECAUSE, YOU DID NOT TELL ME ANYTHING.

If it's my fault, I apologise. No, seriously I mean it.

If I offended you & them, I'm really sorry.

2005-01-22T01:03:00.000+08:00

Seriously, if she thinks that I suck like hell. I should be SO damn honoured.

& she says she's erm... civilised or what not?

Civilised people DO NOT, I repeat - DO NOT BACKSTAB people. (:

If you people do not believe me, I think that's pretty sad. Cos unless you're someone like my mom or dad, or even my teachers, I wouldn't even BOTHER to LIE to you. That's how important friends are to me.

Sadly, people think otherwise sometimes.

& if like what J said, you guys are unhappy cos you guys think I like HIM. Then, I gotta say, PHWOAR. Like what's gonna be the big deal about it even if I DO like him? But of cos, I do not.

& about my past, you can't accept it. Shut the hell up & get outta my way.

JUST DO NOT EVER MAKE USE OF ANYONE.
ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE MY FRIENDS TOO.

I wanna be friends with you. But our friendship was too superficial, I suppose. Or in other words, not as strong as your other friendship.

Oh Kel, we shall just hope that we'll be friends always & that nothing that bad happens. & when we grow up, we can go scuba-diving in the Mediterenean seas, go rock-climbing, go surfing in Hawaii, & jump off a cliff together. & of cos, sky-dive from the bluest sky. ((:

2005-01-22T00:05:00.000+08:00

I'm on a posting craze.

Oh wells. I've got so effing much I need to get outta the system. Before my teenage angst starts acting up & multiplying.

THERE'S SO MUCH I WANNA SAY.

I feel so UGHS not being able to say it all out.

Oh Teas, I wish you were online or something. ):

There's SO much I need to tell you, you, you & yes, you too.

Especially YOU.

p/s: I think my prom committee for this year suck big time. (:

2005-01-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

He's back from Malacca. But he didn't go to _________. (:

I just wish both sides never met. Then nothing bad would have happened.

But of cos, that's just MY wishful thinking. ):

However, I still feel that they shouldn't be THAT dominating.

On a lighter note.

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY TERENCE! (:

2005-01-21T20:46:00.000+08:00

I wonder why you never feel like you're being used.

I feel weird & uneasy.

There's so much I wanna know.

But I'm not asking the questions.

Either that or people are not answering my questions.

I'm feeling anesthetised. I need to feel that way, in order to numb all my emotions...

I'll see you all at the bitter end.

2005-01-19T21:06:00.000+08:00

I didn't go to school today. It was simply terrible. How I'm feeling, that is. UGHS.

School yesterday was HORRID. Yesterday can't even be erm... described. Not even ~~horrid~~, or ~~terrible~~, or ~~sucky~~, or anything for that matter, can describe how BAD yesterday was for me.

I cannot believe that a person can change that fast, turn her back & just go back to someone she used to loathe. Yeah, just in case you're wondering, I'm talking about you.

You were the last person I'd ever think, would ~~CHANGE~~. That's like the last word I'd ever associate with someone like you. But too bad, my trust in you came too hard & too fast.

Now I know, you are someone I never knew at all.

I don't bear grudges. So yeah. I'm still cool with it.

Kelson :: So much has happened lately, don't tell me you're not affected that badly YET. It'll hit you hard one day, maybe not now. BUT someday it will. I never want anything to hurt you, especially not MY issues. You've been one of the bestest friends I could ever ask for, & I'm really sorry for always throwing dumb tantrums at you when I'm sad & all. I still love you all the same!

KangWei :: For once, you've listened to me finish talking on the phone. But still, thanks so much for being there. Even though what you say seem to be siding with the other party. Sorry if I've been snappy & cranky these couple of days to you! Much loves to you too!

Tisa :: Ooh, Teas! Thanks SO SO SO much for being around listen to my issues with them. You were always there. Thanks a million! Love to you too! & a kiss for you too. -mwarrhs-

Ying Xuan & Ting Ting :: You two are the greatest cheer-up pals I can ever find. Thanks for trying to stop me crying. HAHA. It kinda worked. But yeah, thanks helluva lot for being there in the hall listening to it all. & thanks for always being around when I have problems with them. I love you too! & yeah, your breakfast will be served promptly tomorrow!

Mandy :: OOH! Sorry if my tears stained your uniform the other day. HAHA. Thanks for being there, even when your leg hurt & you limped all the way down. I love you SO much too!

I won't leave you out either.

Steph :: SO much has happened. I don't know why. Are you gonna tell me? Are you even gonna read this? I've no idea. I really cannot believe how much you've changed. Just in case you think I'm pretty weird now, that's cos for the very first time, I'm actually telling you how I really feel deep down inside. I can't tell you enough of all the disappointment I have for you. You've just changed, turned your back on me, left me & went to her. When a couple of months back, you were actually telling me how much you loathe her, about all the things she'd done.

Think back. Who was there for you through it all? When she left you all alone, I accompanied you. We kinda grew through it all. But now, you leave me standing here. How nice, huh? But thanks anyway, you allowed me to taste a real betrayal. You allowed me to know how it feels to be stabbed right in the back by someone whom I trusted so much & regarded as a bestie.

& of course, thanks so much for not believing in me (some stuffs I've heard). & thanks SO much for letting me see how superficial our friendship was, how weak it was. & how strong that friendship of yours & Stephanie Chua is. Thanks a million, for everything.

Some people might think I'm really nuts. Thanking people who have caused so much wrath for me. But yeah. There's always two sides to everything. This that you've seen, is the other side.

Don't hate people for what they've done. Love 'em & thank 'em cos they've taught you a valuable lesson no one else can teach you...

2005-01-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

Everything's falling into place very quietly. Or is it not?

That's something I've to ponder over...

School today was pretty awright I suppose. Even though I looked kinda weird with my *ahems* geeky specs on. Well, I think it is geeky. But I like! HAHA.

F&N was just dreadful, so was Physics. Even Chemistry lessons in the laboratory can't be that bad.

Ting Ting is planning to devour me! -screams-

Haha. I'm totally not okay. I'm so rad & so mad (as in crazy).

Ooh, & I wasn't late in reporting today. NEED TO KEEP THIS GOING FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS!

& I really love my friends. Yes, I love them. ((: Especially Teas, Jan, Ying Xuan, Ting Ting & not forgetting my beloved Kelson.

They were there through my worst times. Especially Teas, who was with me through my entire 'walking-zombie' period at the Secondary 1 Orientation Camp. Jan too, who injured her finger & it's now all swollen. Ying Xuan who's always going crazy along with me, & that Ting Ting who has some devious plan on devouring me as her hearty breakfast.

& did I say, Kelson's the best. HAHA. I don't know how things would be like without him & the girls, man. I love my princess! -mwarrhs-

-hyperventilates- THERE'S SHOW & TELL FOR PM LESSONS TOMORROW. Yikes. Like what should I bring, right? When the theme for Show & Tell is erm... Something that represents you. LIKE WTH totally.

My mom wanted me to bring my erm... baby panties. HAHA. That's so obscene. & then she suggested bringing my favourite pair of chopsticks, which I've yet to open till now. Ooh, it's a Piglet one by the way. Hehs. Then she said I should bring my erm... what's that. Oh, my kindergarten spelling book, which is full of stars cos I always get full marks. I was a genuis back then. Oh, how I miss those times. HAHA.

She's totally mad too. Just like me. But I like the panties thing, cos I've got really cute panties from eons ago that I've never worn. According to her, that is. HAHA.

Seriously, someone elighten me why there's such things as Show & Tell, which happens to cause unnecessary trouble for stressed-up-'O' Level-candidates-to-be like us.

I just wish she would stop writing contradicting things that are SO contrary to what she always tells me.

2005-01-16T14:23:00.000+08:00

I realised I haven't been updating lately. Or not regularly, that is.

Ah heck. There's really so much chaos in MY life that I can't be bothered to write about.

Yesterday was my bestest bestie's birthday! He's officially turned 17, & he's already been crowned OLD MAN, with courtesy of the MuffinQueen.

I got him an Apple Strudle (which Kelson doesn't know what it is) & went over to his house & passed it to him. & he's once again decked in his red shirt & jeans. He seriously needs a wardrobe-revamp. Yes, very seriously in need of that.

Yesterday was also my sister's 14th birthday. My parents got her the oh-so-yummy Snow White cake too. & yeah, went out for dinner then to the beach.

The beach yesterday was really nice. The waves & all. Even though it made me think of some stuffs that made me sad.

There were a huge myriad of stars as well. I just wish life was that beautiful...

Ooh, & I've also collected my specs already! My sister says I look like a full-fledged geek in my specs. HAHA. I don't know, but I like it. ((:

I'm still on Sixpence None the Richer-addiction.

But I'm all un-okay.

However, the MuffinQueen still smiles like there's no tomorrow, laugh like she's gonna die anytime, & she still wants to tell you people that no matter what has happened, she still loves you guys. You guys might be so much better off without me, so if that's the way it's meant to be, I'll gladly be outta the picture.

I'd rather be unhappy alone than to have all 4 of us being unhappy, & in turn making Kel unhappy & all about our unresolved issues.

I was just thinking about all that has happened since last June. & I realised that the first time, things turned sour between me & the 8 of 'em cos they felt that I was neglecting 'em & not spending enough time with 'em.

& with MX, there just wasn't enough trust to prevent our friendship from shaking up.

This time round, I've no idea as yet. Tell me, I want the answers. Tell me the answers straight in my face, I have no problems with that.

Just don't make me suffer the cruelty of silence.

I'm gonna try to catch MY deluge in a paper cup.

2005-01-12T22:03:00.000+08:00

Things happen for a reason, don't they?

Tears make you stronger, they do, don't they?

Friends are there till the end, or are they not?

You'll always be here, won't you?

A thousand questions. But not even an answer.

Why is all that's happened, happened?

I don't understand how people can actually change that fast. Yes, I'm referring to you, you, you, you & you over there. & yes, you as well.

Have I been deceiving myself right from the start or is this REALLY happening?

Are you my friends, or are you all just like them?

I hate all these. Let anything happen at all, just don't ever let history repeat itself.

I don't think you're gonna read this, but I'll write it out nonetheless.

You always think you're so great. You always think you're better than me. You always seem to think that whatever you say will not affect me in anyway at all. You seem to think that just cuz I shut up, it means I'm okay with you saying about me.

I don't care what you think. About me being the most suitable candidate or most needed candidate to drop F&N and concentrate on Math. Or the fact that I'm dumber than you are. Or the fact that you think I'm not as intellectually inclined as you are. I know that I'll never surpass you in anything I do.

But I have to say this, I've had enough of all these mean & sarcastic comments you make right smack in front of MY face. You always get all defensive when I say anything at all about you. But when you say something THAT mean about me, do I ever flinch? No. Do I retaliate verbally? No.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt deep inside. I really worry if you have a heart to even feel how people actually feel.

BUT, whatever I'm gonna say or do. I'll never be better than you, that's what you think at least.

I really really wonder, why do things always repeat itself? Doesn't it ever go away?

Everything that happens, it's always got to be my fault one way or the other.

I just wish I can be the real me in school & at home. Right now, I'm only myself when I'm alone.

The blade lies there on the desk. Staring right back at me.

I believed it was all true. But now I realise, it was all my own illusion. I was just making myself think it's true all this while.

Everything is a figment of my imagination.

I wish I knew where reality is...

2005-01-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

I've noticed how insignificant I can be. To ANYONE at all. No, I'm serious about this.

I'm worst than even a speck of dust. At least dust, people bother to even sweep 'em off & sometimes curse & swear at 'em.

I never really ask for much, now do I?

I just wanna fit in, be understood & NOT judged.

No one's here for me. Not you, not you, & definitely not you.

When I've got something to say, there's hardly anyone at all who's even bothered to hear what I've gotta say.

You(s) think you're different from the friends I used to have, but somehow, I've come to realised that friends we make at this point of life are ALL the same. If you fail to be able to be "up-to-mark" in whichever way that may apply, you're considered OUT. Yeah, or something like that.

I hope you(s) listen to what I have to say. But I don't think I've got anything to say now.

My heart's locked up & the key's no where to be found.

I wanna pry it open. I wanna slit it open.

& this time round, a REAL blade would come in handy. One that would let me cry all the crimson tears I want. Let out all the pain I'm feeling. All this confusion. All this pent-up anger.

Oh yes, if you haven't already noticed, I've got angst. & they've got a body count.

I need a real blade to draw those scarlet lines, & real novocaine to numb the pain.

2005-01-09T12:30:00.000+08:00

I just realised how LONG I've not blogged. My hiatus is getting a little outta hand. HAHA.

School's been a-okay so far. Totally not loving it.

I shall not write about the camp, again. Cos I've written it in my diary. ((:

These few days have been so effing pissing. I don't know if that's English. But whatever.

Especially my mom. ARGHS. Thank goodness there's still my dad.

I went to order my contacts & my new specs last night. & my optometrist got a shock when I told him I'm still wearing my contacts even though it's past a month already. So he gave me a pair first. HAHA.

Then he did like so many tests on my eyes. There was one that was like a litmus thingae he had to poke into my eye. But it was kinda cool. HAHA.

Next week I'll have to go collect my lenses & all. & it's KangWei's 17th birthday next Saturday. Old Man. ((:

Anyhoos. I'm so bored. Life's such a bore. Sighs.

2005-01-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

Whoo whee. Was first day of school great for you?

It was okay for me though. Woke up at a friggen 5 am... & just in case you're thinking that I've gone nuts, I'm still fine. I only get up that early on the first day of school. ((:

There's thousands of changes in school. But yes, I love my Principal, she's my Idol! She allowed ear studs but still, no sling bags allowed. Oh wells.

Oh yeah. I hate my PE lessons now. I haven't gotten Mdm Samsiah so far & now it's my last year & I got her for PE. ARGHS! & Mr. Lim is gone. -cries- I think I'm gonna do badly for Chemistry. I'll miss him though, he & his fits. HAHA. & his oh-so-lame-jokes. & all the times he got pissed with the class.

I got Miss Grace Lum as my Form Teacher though, but of cos, I kinda miss Mrs. Ng, even though she always gets pissed with the class & stuff. But yeah. There's a class reunion lunch this 20th, Miss Lum's treat. Hehs.

Oh, & I met Kelson to go to school together this morning. I'm SO shocked. He looked SO different. Yes, Kelson, you looked DIFFERENT. ((: But he's still all cute. HAHA. & omfg, his class actually nominated him or something as Class Chairman. I'm so impressed with my lil' princess.

I'm skipping lessons tomorrow & the day after. Yayness! I'm going for the Secondary 1 Orientation Camp. & I'm taking 1E5 again! With Teas, of cos! teas&eil pte. ltd. HAHA. So yeah, people. Don't miss me while I'm away at camp. ((:

I'm gonna miss my bed & my cushion. HAHA. & I'm gonna miss fishieballie too! & rojak & slut & erm... oh, & princess Kelsey.

I'm uttering gibberish. & I haven't packed my bag. Whoo whee!

2005-01-02T06:18:00.000+08:00

New Year has passed. I had so much fun on the eve & on New Year's Day!

But my biological clock is screwed. Haha. Now I sleep & get up at unholy timings. I've gotta figure a way to sort it out to prep myself for school which is in about 24 hours time. -frowns-

I had SO much fun yesterday. We were all up the whole night, & made so much noise at Kelson's place. Haha. Even Steph & YanMing came over. ((:

Okay, I shall cut out the beach part. Cos it rained. BAH. Dumb sky. Haha.

Man, I love my friends. Haha. ♥

Well, a new year, a new start. I've ended 2004 with a bang, & entered 2005 with a bang (louder, of cos). This new year, I'm gonna not sleep in Math class & do well, all for the sake of my (EWW!) O Levels. & of cos, no more distractions for me this year, I'm gonna be a full-fledged nerd+geek. -smiles-

I realised I haven't done my reflections for 2004...

2004 had been a year of countless ups&downs. Loads of things happened. Secondary 3 life just isn't fun. Too many unhappiness, especially after I turned 15. Year end was rocking, though. Knew great friends like Kelson & Kelvin, the brothers who don't look like brothers. But great guys anyways. (:

Academically, I'm not in form. HAHA. Math is a big boo-boo. Flunked it like the entire year. But I actually improved on my languages. I just hope I'll be consistent in the new year.

& so 2005, my main goal will be to do well for my Os. That's my ONE most important task. -pouts-

But of course, I'm not gonna neglect my family & friends either.

If life is a balance between holding on & letting go, then I'm gonna learn to let go.

& you're the first thing I'm letting go off. I've got so many things that I wanna say to you, just that I don't think you're ready to hear 'em yet, judging by how disappointed you are when I told you that I'm sick of hearing about you & your church stuff. I understand it's your commitment, so I respect you for that. But when it comes to all your empty promises, there's like no way I can compromise on that.

I really hate you now. The 'changed' you. You're not the you I knew 2/3 years back. You've changed so much, it's impossible to list the changes out for you. Perhaps you & me, we really have to move on now. That's what you told me all the time in the past.

You're prolly pissed/disappointed with me about what happened at Kel's place. But I needed to get it out of me.

I really have to tell you this. There used to be this someone, who was there whenever I needed him, he was the person whom I could tell anything & everything to, he was always there to lend a listening ear, to reassure me & to guide me along. But do you know where he is now? I don't, but I know that he'll still be my bestie, no matter where he is.

All I know is, that he's changed. So much...

Okay, enough of that. (:

Stephy :: Thanks so much for being there for the past one year. It was really a blessing to have known you. We share so much in common, & of cos we're actually pretty similar deep down inside too. We aren't who we are on the outside. Love you so much, babe. Hope our friendship will withstand any kind of quake or waves, including the fearful tsunami for years to come. ♥

YanMing :: Oh girl, you've always been there ever since I knew you in Secondary 1. We've grown so much, haven't we? It's our 4th year in the same class already, & we haven't gotten sick of kicking one another's ass. How cute. Sometimes, we have the kinda fights we have, kinda unique ones of cos, but we always get back no matter what. School's starting, I know you're excited. Haha. But make sure you teach me my Math & we'll go eat Rojak together! ♥

Mandy :: Our alliance is formed! Alongside with Steph as well, we have the rawkin' SLY'S BSW. All that planning & all. Phew. BSW still hasn't hung out together yet, man. I'm still waiting! Haha. You've been such a great pal, even though you're so innocent. I hope I haven't done much of a bad influence on you yet. HAHA. BSW all the way? ♥

Eliza :: Sorry for all that I've put you through somehow. Things aren't actually good for me right about now. Well, I hope you had a rocking new year, & this new year ahead, I wish you have all the joy & love you can ever have. Stay cool always, babe! ♥

KangWei :: I've already written so much for you. I've always loved you, just like I love all my other friends. You're a really special friend I've had all this while, but too much have changed, & perhaps it's really time to move on. This new year, I hope that all things goes well for you. & of cos, we'll be friends always. Much loves! ♥

Kelvin :: You just never fail to crack me up. HAHA. It's been such a pleasure knowing you & your family, & yes, including Vicky. Had a really wonderful new year, thanks so much for the company too! Of cos, all the best for your Poly entrance test too! ♥

Kelson :: Oh my little princess Kelsey! You'll always be my soul sista. You're a really a great friend I'm so blessed to have met. Even though we've barely known each other for like a month or two, we do have a lot to share! You've always been there lately, through everything, my complains, this & that. Love you so much! Not to dampen your spirits, but yes, school's starting. Don't go round making people's heart wounded or bleeding, yeah? HAHA. & I just remembered, you're still gonna be my blade!!! I wish you'll do really well in school, awrights? Much loves, princess! ♥

Much loves, everyone!

2005-01-01T02:37:00.000+08:00

Yayness people! It's the New Year!

Bahs. Even though I don't exactly welcome the new year. Ughs.

Oh yeah. Been to school just yesterday, & found out that there are a couple of erm... astounding changes made to the school's hierarchy. Hurs. We've got like TWO Vice-Principal for I-don't-know-what-reason. & Mr. Sundram is now the HOD of Pupil Management. HAHA.

Oh yayness. Momma just called & she's GREATLY pissed with the ALMIGHTY MUFFINQUEEN. Arghs. BUt whatever. Do I care? It's New Year for goodness's sake. She just loves spoiling MY day. ((: BUT I'm still all smiles.

Was at Kelson's house since afternoon. Haha. Had so much fun! & I saw Vicky again, Teas. Too bad you aren't here. -kisses-

School's starting. Oh yes. I'm SO looking forward to it. HAHA.

Yayness. I've got my friends here with me. I love you guys! ((:

2004-12-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

Sunday is so boring. ARGHS!

Anyhoos. School's starting in about a week's time. How boring.

Yeah. I'm starting to hate school. You prolly would too, when you know you're gonna have to take the dreaded Os. & especially if you've been flunking your Math for like forever.

We haven't spoken in a long time already, ever since your phone got confiscated. & we never seem to have anything to talk about on MSN.

The silence between us is deafening. But I don't think you've noticed.

So much has been going through my mind. But I don't wanna write them down, I just wanna be reminded of all things happy when I read my blog in future. ((:

It takes two to tango. But one to let go.

Perhaps I've learnt to let go already. Cos I know, whenever you look at me with that smile, & when you act like everything's fine. All you did was put dreams in my head.

I'm walking here so all alone
I wanna hear your voice right now
& I'm looking for it all around.

I'm not your girl. Not even your friend.

& once again, that look in your eyes, makes it hard to ask you why.

If it's meant to be, it will be no matter what happens.

I hope I've learnt to let go, & I hope I won't think about all the things that I wanna forget.

2004-12-25T13:38:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

It's Christmas again. But I'm not exactly feeling Christmas around me, despite the presents.

Oh wells. Whatever it is.

Yesterday I went back to school to help out at the Secondary One orientaion thingae. It was darn exhausting. But it was fun. Me & Teas took 1E5 though. They're a funny bunch of people too, they are so paranoid about holding hands with people of the opposite sex even if it was for a game. & they all looked SO serious. & erm... & they weren't really VERY responsive so I got really upset in a way. Haha. But overall it was okay. I hope me & Teas can take that class again for their Orientation Camp.

So yeah. Mr. SeeToh told us about the plans for next year. Orientation Camp would be on the second & third day of school. & yes, I'll be missing TWO whole days of school. Yayness! & next year, there would be 2 CCA days as well, Tuesday mornings & Friday afternoons. Cos the dumb school actually is gonna adopt the 5 day week thingae.

Okays. Went shopping after school & I got KangWei's present already. But I haven't gotten Kelson & Kelvin's one. ARGHS. I don't even know what to get 'em.

Then I went over to my aunt's place for family gathering thingae. We do it like every year. But when I was there, I was like so tired out & so drained that I didn't even eat much & my aunts thought I was on a diet. HAHA.

So yeah. Got presents from my family. I loved the perfumes the most. Especially Flower by Kenzo. It smells so nice. HAHA.

I'm like so tired now, & yesterday too. I'm not feeling well too, & it's Christmas Day.

Oh yeah. Kelvin said I left out his name on the card I sent to him. Oops sorry, Kelvin. Really sorry yeah? ((:

Oh yeah. Merry Christmas to Vicky too! Haha.

2004-12-24T06:11:00.000+08:00

I'm got up at 0500. & now it's 0604. Soon I'm getting outta the house. ((:

I feel so restless. UGHS. Like I'm totally tired or something.

I'd wanted to call you last night, but your sister told me you weren't back from Andrei's place yet.

Oh wells.

& guess what. My Christmas shopping isn't completed yet. Cos I've no idea what to get the guys.

Ohh. I'm feeling hungry now. HAHA. But no, no breakfast for me. I'll prolly regurgitate them all out later on anyways.

Stephy's gonna be back tomorrow. ((:

& soon I can go to the beach. & I can see stars. & we'll go town-ing too! Yayness.

I trust my determination. What I want to let go, I will let go. ((: & yes, I'm letting go of y-o-u.

A muffinqueen needs is not a king. All she wants is to be happy. -fakes a smile-

I'm going off now. Oh yeahh. I miss & ♥ Vicky!

2004-12-23T20:32:00.000+08:00

I suppose my sixth sense is hella strong. Bad things happened. Or thing rather. But whatever. I don't like writing sad stuff on my blog. Orange color's supposed to be HAPPY. & I'm supposed to be happy too.

But of cos. Who's always happy?

Got to school an hour late. But yeah. Better late than never. Helped out with ushering & all. Really tired out by it, yes. Lack of sleep. -yawns-

All the new batch of puny secondary ones seem SO dependent on their folks. There was this guy who was here to get his uniform & school shoes. & his father (yes, FATHER) had to put the shoes on for him & check if it's of the correct size, whether it's this or that. & another guy fainted cos he didn't had breakfast.

Hey hey. Neither did I take my breakfast! HAHA.

Kids nowadays... -shakes head profusely in total disgust-

They should learn from me. Be independent.

But yes. I'm a little TOO independent. My folks don't exactly appreciate my independence. I grow distant from them with each passing adolescent year.

I've to be in school tomorrow too. Same time, 0715. Haha. It's orientation for the kids. YES, the kids in the class I'm taking better be responsive. Or I'll personally get very pissed. Hurs.

I got off school at about noon. & I practically wandered around with Teas. Haha. She's my babe! ((:

Then we went down to Kelson's place. I'm in love with Vicky! She's so cute. Haha. But I don't think she likes me. )): -cries-

Josh was there too. & of cos there's Kelvin too. Then KangWei came over too. & then Kel's cousins came over. The little one's cute too.

I saw so many of Kel's photos. He was SO cute when he was younger. Haha. But of cos. He's my soul sista. ((:

I wanna visit Vicky again! Haha. Yes. I love Vicky. Kel, if you're reading this, please pass my message to Vicky. ((:

Went home at around past 5. I walked home from the interchange. & on the way back, I thought of a hell load of things. It confuses me.

p/s: Kel, thanks SO much for trying to make me erm... blush when he was around. HAHA. But I don't think you've succeeded. HAHA. I'm no longer on novocaine-addiction. At least not to that novocaine. I wanna break free from everything, even my feelings & emotions, which are more than often overrated. I wanna get over him, over everything...

Won't somebody tell me what to do?

~~I think I'll go somewhere else to write all my unhappy thoughts.~~

You're the one who makes me wanna lala.

2004-12-22T20:26:00.000+08:00

I sent out all my cards to my friends this morning. Did 'em in a rush. Haha. I didn't even erm... really 'draw' out the wordings, cos I had more stuff to write to all my friends than to my doctors. ((:

& I went for netball. Was bascially slack-ish. Hehs. But yeah, cos my wrist is still hurting.

Stephy's gone to Thailand already! I miss her! BSW only has S&W left, & we're like dead bored. Horny girl clashes with innocent girl. Nothing much can happen without our crazy girl. )):

Oh yes. We're gonna go town-ing & go to the beach! BSW! Yayness.

I got to be in school at like 0715 tomorrow, which means I got to get up at 0500. & I still haven't ironed my school uniform. UGHS.

I once had a heart & it was true
But now it's gone from me to you
So take care of it
As I have done
Because now you have two
& I have none

Sounds dumb. HAHA. But anyhoos.

I'm no angel. But I hope I can make you smile the same.

2004-12-21T09:40:00.000+08:00

ARGHS! I think I'm gonna turn into an owl or some bloody insomniac who can't sleep.

I haven't slept since yesterday despite many attempts to make myself feel drowsy, to say the least.

But yes, all to no avail. & I'm still here.

& my senior chose such an unholy time to call me up to get me to send a dumb attachment to the teacher.

Ah. My biological clock is screwed, & I think so is my cycle. HAHA. It's screwed, man. It's late!!!

I still feel so bad. His phone got confiscated cos his bills are too high. My mom says it's my fault. )):

I miss my novocaine.

I wished I had real novocaine so I can be unconscious for a little while.

If only he knew.

Ah yes, I think I'm beginning to be incoherent. Either that or I'll start writing funny things I'm not supposed to tell you in a bazillion years.

Y'know, as I stayed up through the night, & making my cards & envelopes, I couldn't stop thinking of you. It's SO fast, ONE WHOLE YEAR HAS PASSED WITHOUT ME REALISING IT!

Like yeah. A whole year. Haha. It's been 1 year since I last gave you that letter & that Christmas card before you left for Japan. Anything that happen after that, HAHA, it's all in a mess. It isn't in chronological order in my head.

This Christmas, you're here. But this Christmas, you're not the you I missed tons a year before. You're still you physically. But in one way or another, you've changed SO much I hate it.

Not you. I never get to hate you. I hate the changes that has taken place.

If I'd one wish, I'd prolly tell sms Santa right this minute & tell him that, all I want this Christmas isn't you, neither is it my novocaine, nor real novocaine for that matter, & it's not happiness. I want the old you back here...

2004-12-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad I cleared things out with Kel. ((:

At least it makes me feel better. Haha. & yeah. You're gonna be my soul sista always! Thanks so much for listening.

My fingers are hurting again. Haha. Prolly cos of bowling. But yeah. I'm so tired right about now but momma got me outta bed & I can't get back to sleep anymore.

& he's prolly still at church.

I don't know. Don't you think you've changed?

Well, at least I do. But then again, whether or not I think you've changed, it doesn't really matter.

Don't ask how you've changed. I don't know. It's just not the same as it was before.

I just wanna know why you changed. But then, prolly you don't even know or you won't even be bothered to tell me. Cos there's so many things that you never tell me.

This song says it best...

There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
& awakens the moment that you're near
Though I try to look away
The pain it still remains
Only leaving when you're next to me

Do you know, that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems so far away
So can you come & make them disappear
Make them disappear so we can stay

So I stand & look around
Distracted by the sounds
Of everyone & everything I see
& I search through every face
Without a single trace, of the person
Of the person I need

Hoobastank; Disappear

I don't want my novocaine for Christmas anymore, Santa. I just want to be happy this Christmas, make me forget about all the unhappy things for just one day...

2004-12-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

Last night was horror. Plain horror. Haha. I couldn't like sleep. )): & yes. It's thanks to you. I'm crediting you for it, for telling me some triggering news which I'm not exactly interested in.

Ah yes. Now you know I can't handle these kinda stuff well.

I'm dead terrified of hurting other people. Especially this kinda hurt.

& besides, what you told me is SO untrue. I'm sure you guys had like ganged up or something to trick me.

I've learnt not to trust people that easily. ((:

Okays. Fast forward to today.

Went for the bowling thing quite reluctantly cos I didn't want some awkardness to surface halfway or something. HAHA. But yeah. It went okay. & yes. I met Natalie! She's really nice & all, even though we didn't really talk much.

Haha. My bowling skills now is like SO bad. ARGHS! I think Stephy, we should go bowling more often. HAHA. I wanna get back to how I was before my finger injury. UGHS.

But yeah. It was fun. Haha. Having Kelson, Kelvin & Josh on my group. Yes, as usual, I'm the only girl. But hell. It was fun.

& I SO need to go get my contacts & a new pair of specs! Pappa better find some free time to drive me down. ((: Imma Pappa's little girl. Muahahahahas.

I don't want it to be real. Cos I like things the way it is right now. DON'T even think about letting me know the truth. Conceal it. Thanks.

& yes. Even though avoiding it isn't the best erm... solution. I'd like it to be this way for now.

I'm just ~~unpretty.~~

2004-12-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

Boo hoos. I'm sick.

Down with a bad throat & flu. & my headache never seems to go away!

Momma's really screwing me up big time. Phffft.

She's like forever hogging the bloody computer & only comments on my laziness. She thinks I'm like her maid or something. Bullshit.

It's not as if everything's my fault. I'm not the one messing up the place & yet I'm always the one having to clear up after them. Why don't you get Pappa to get a maid.

Yes. I'm pissed.

I didn't go for training today. Really sick. Ughs.

Anyhoos. There's the bowling thing tomorrow.

Kel's taking his entrance test next week. Do well, sista! I wanna see you next year in school. ((:

I hope Ying Xuan's a-okay. Your blog's a wee bit frightening. Especially now that I haven't seen you in sometime already. Do give me a call or something yeah? <3

God isn't the only one there for you. There's still your friends, if you haven't realised. & it feels funny when you call & then you've got another line to attend to. You know how I never tell you all this in your face or anything. But yeah. Two nights in a row. It makes me miss you so bad it hurts.

2004-12-16T14:35:00.000+08:00

I'm still aching all over. Boos.

Anyhoos. I went for netball yesterday. Yes, kudos to me, I know.

Haha. Training as usual was darn exhausting, cos I never take my brekkie before it.

& I went Christmas shopping but still didn't manage to get anything! ARGHS!

Yes, getting presents is one of my biggest nightmare.

I got the Virgin Suicides VCD at a whooping S$4.95. HAHA. How cheap. ((:

BUT. The album Playground Love by AIR is outta stock. ARGHS! HMV better stock 'em up or I'll kick all of 'em in the ass & skin 'em alive. Hurs.

Haha. Kelson, you still haven't told me what boxer briefs are. & no, no demonstrations please.

& yes. I love my soul sista to bits! -mwarrhs- Haha. He saw the photo but he didn't tell him. HAHA. Yes, I love my soul sista to bits!

Ah yes. KangWei, I'll prolly tell you later. But then again, some things are best left unspoken.

Yes Tisa. I can't wait to see you next Thursday when we go town-ing! Hehs. The girls are going SHOPPING!

& yay-ness. I get to see Natalie too this Saturday. YAYNESS!

Much loves, people. <3

2004-12-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

2004-12-13T01:42:00.000+08:00

Haha. My bestie's so cute.

Netball training is in approximately 7 hours time.

Not exactly looking forward to it.

Anyhoos. Bertilla smsed me last night & told me that there might be a China ECOSOC outing this Thurday! Hurrah. I miss all of 'em. & I wanna hug Bertilla. Bert, you owe me a hug! & I wanna hug Fatin & Elaine & Kelly. & I wanna hear Mr. Hee sing again!

I miss my peeps. & we rock, riights? Much loves to y'all!

Bestie!!! Hehs. Does nothing but sleep. Boo hoos.

I'm still thinking of what to get for my friends for Christmas... Tsk tsk.

Oh Santa, I want my novocaine for Christmas.

Much loves <3

2004-12-12T18:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder if it's me who's thinking too much, or is it really the bitter truth that's right smack in my face.

Sometimes I'd think to myself & wonder if it's a different you I see every single time.

Can't you be more indifferent?

There's so much left unspoken, unasked & unanswered.

Will all be absolved in the end?

She miscalculated & now she's jaded.

2004-12-11T03:15:00.000+08:00

It's 3am now. Hehs. & I'm still wide-eye awake. -blinks blinks-

But everyone's asleep! )):

Anyhoos. I'm happy today. I finally caught Shutter! -big grin-

It was erm... okay, actually. The plot quite cliche lah. Haha. But yeah. The spirit of the dead girl is DAMN scary. Haha.

Kelvin was like scared, & Kelson was like freezing cold. But so was I. Haha. & KangWei & Josh kept laughing. Haha.

When we got into the cinema, the row behind us was LOUD, man. LOUD alone can't describe the amount of noise pollution they actually create to harm the environment. They should learn something from me, STFUPLZKTHXBYE. ((:

& so, we shifted. Yes, very inconsiderate teens we are. Haha.

It's cool to hang out with them. Haha. You can laugh your ass off with them, especially when you're eating.

& the photographer guy in the show resembles Pierre Png SO much. But he's not handsome.

Anyhoos. I wanna catch the Fockers show next. Haha.

Bumped into Ariel, Alden & Koan Ge when we were about to leave Tampines Mall. Haha. Alden's going off to Taiwan in a couple more hours.

Ariel's hair is highlighted too! & Alden's hair is golden (even though I've seen it already).

But yeah. Totally cool. Haha. I'd dye my hair green after my Os. Hehs.

Boo hoos. KangWei's going for his Church Camp thingae tomorrow, till Sunday I think. & Kelson's working on Saturday & Sunday. )): I'm gonna be lonely. BAHS.

& Kelson. Please see to the procedures & paperwork of my divorce. Please do it asap. HAHA.

[edit] & did I tell you people that I accomplished a BIG thing again today? I mopped the floor. Muahas. Who needs a part-time maid? I can sweep, iron, mop & cook. Haha. Leave your contact & I'll get back to you asap. [/edit]

Much loves, people! Especially to my husband-not-to-be & my soul sister who's gay. I'll pray for the safety of you too, just in case my husband-not-to-be meets a gay with long red nails in the loo pooping at Sentosa & my soul sister meets one @ Suntec. HAHA. <3

2004-12-10T01:06:00.000+08:00

BAHS. I'm aching all over after netball. Boo hoos.

I'm like so bored. I actually tidied up my study desk for the first time in a long ass time. Haha.

I'm bored.

I wanna go shopping.

2004-12-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

Ah yes. I'm addicted to novocaine. & I wanna be stained.

Cuz I'm gonna ♥ YOU. Not.

That was random. ((:

I went for netball after skipping it for 4 times. HAH. It was BAHS. Tiring. I got back after that & slept for 4 hours straight.

That's how tired I am. Besides, I slept only 2 hours!

Sometimes I really wonder if the obvious needs to be spoken. I don't think so, cuz if you do. It more or less ruins everything.

& then there's YOU again. I keep going back to the one thing I need to walk away from. HAH. That's not a good thing if you didn't know.

I need someone to take away all these nonsense. All these sickening crap (otherwise known as memories) that keeps calling out to you when you feel all alone.

You aren't capable of taking them away. In fact, you're a constant reminder that it's still here, despite me putting in great efforts into trying to chuck them all away.

& it's just funny/weird/(insert word here) how we can have SO many things to talk about. Yes. We do have, except when we're online. HAHA. It's not funny. I'm just expressing how I wish to feel.

Sometimes I wish I knew the answer. & I pray. I pray that one day, the answer will be revealed.

But you won't know the question.

2004-12-08T01:14:00.000+08:00

1. WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR EMAIL NAME? my 6 year old sista gave it to me. x)

2. DO YOU LIKE YOUR FIRST NAME? hell no. I want something funkier & more fashionable!

3. NAME YOUR FIVE FAVE BANDS/SINGERS: hoobastank. bjork. air. ryan cabrera. ashlee simpson.

4. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? nope. unless you're talking about unrequited ♥. HAHA.

5. IF NO WHO WOULD YOU LOVE TO BE IN LOVE WITH? (:

6. ONE THING YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR, TODAY: my straight hair, unlike my mom's curls. HEH.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OR FUNNIEST HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY? my favourite has got to be my first compere job in school for Speech Day. it rocked. ((:

8. WHAT IS YOUR WORST HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY? my secondary 2 maths teacher. she's one helluva nightmare. even up till now.

9. WHAT IS THE NEXT CONCERT YOU WILL GO TO? if ashlee's gonna hold one in Singapore, i'd prolly go.

10. WOULD YOU EVER JOIN TEMPTATION ISLAND? HAHA. sure, why not?

11. NAME THREE [3] TEACHERS YOU'VE LIKED SO FAR IN SCHOOL: erm... what kinda like? anyhoos. it's gotta be miss amy, miss ida & miss doris.

12. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE QUOTE? WHAT IS IT? "pigs could fly if you didn't lie"

13. MY FIRST HEARTBREAK HAPPENED WHEN I WAS: my ♥ is still in one piece & it's still pumping.

14. WHAT WAS IT? am i supposed to answer this?

15. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD HABITS? i'm not weird.

16. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? the importance of their ego to 'em & how they never seem to understand feelings.

18. NAME ONE TV/MOVIE CHARACTER YOU'D MOST WANT TO BE: Nicole Kidman! she's totally gorgeous & elegant. & ooh. Chanel No. 5.

19. IF YOU WERE FAMOUS, AND WERE TO BE A GUEST ON A TALK SHOW, WHOSE SHOW WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Oprah's one? or Jerry Springer?

20. GIVE YOURSELF A PORN STAR NAME: Syphillis. haha. so people would be aware of STDs.

21. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD SLEEPING HABITS? err... would i know? i'd be in deep sleep. but my mom says i sleep-talk.

22. WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO THIS SUMMER? everyday's summer here!

23. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW? true by ryan cabrera. -swoons-

24. WRITE A LINE FROM ANY SONG? i've waited all my life, to cross this line. to the only thing that's true...

25. DO YOU KNOW AT LEAST ONE DISNEY SONG BY HEART? yeah. want me to sing? :D

26. YOUR TYPICAL SLEEPWEAR: oversized tee & shorts. or a quirky PJ that has funny words on 'em.

28. WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET/PURSE? money. what's in yours?

29. HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR WALLET/PURSE RIGHT NOW? 55

31. ARE YOU IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE? nope. wouldn't even bother to.

32. WILL IT BE RESOLVED? DO YOU CARE? do i look like i'd give a friggen damn?

33. TELL US ABOUT ANY OF YOUR BIRTHDAYS: my birthday is always on the same date & i'd love presents from you. ((:

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? hell yeah. & i want a few more!

35. WHAT ARE THE FIRST FIVE THINGS YOU WOULD SPEND ON IF YOU WERE A BILLIONAIRE? liposuction on my cheeks. all the cds i want. a strawberry plantation. clothes. & withdraw more cash from POSB to spend. :D

36. WHAT IS YOUR DAILY BEFORE-GOING-TO-BED RITUAL? switch on the air-con in my room, sort my bolster & pillow & blankie, wash-up, make sure my phone is charging, turn on the radio, & plonk on my bed.

37. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST/FUNNIEST NICKNAME ANYONE HAS EVER CALLED YOU? tomato.

38. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU MOVED IN YOUR LIFETIME? moved where? i'd love to move to the moon.

39. WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? rotted at home. ):

40. HOW MANY BOYFRIENDS OR GIRLFRIENDS HAVE YOU EVER HAD: i have friends, both boys & girls!

41. HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW WHO HAVE HAD THEIR HOUSE CATCH ON FIRE? zilch. my friends practise fire safety. :D

42. WHICH MOVIES HAVE YOU SEEN IN THE LAST WEEK? yet to do so yet. the next one's SO gonna be Shutter. so kel, if you're reading this... haha.

43. WHERE IS THE NEAREST BATHROOM? approximately 20 steps away.

44. DO YOU FEEL SLUTTY TODAY? nah. i don't. i feel bored. HAHA.

45. DO YOU KNOW YOUR WPM? & that's supposed to be...?

46. DO THINGS FROM THE EARLY 1900'S INTEREST YOU? yeah.

47. IS GAMBLING A PROBLEM FOR YOU? what problem? i don't gamble.

48. DOES DEATH SCARE YOU? yes. unless God allows me to die Romeo-Juliet-style.

49. NAME THE COUNTRIES YOU'VE BEEN IN THIS YEAR: malaysia, singapore. : |

50. DO SMUDGES ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN ANNOY YOU? no. but it annoys momma dearest.

51. CAN YOU SHOOT A GUN WELL? depends who i'm supposed to shoot at.

52. ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW? no, hasn't tomorrow been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances?

53. WHAT IS THE COLOUR OF THE SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING? turqoise. with old mickey right smack in the front.

54. DO YOU BELIEVE IN "BEST FRIENDS?" not really. but erm... then again. yes. HAHA.

55. WHAT WAS THE LAST SENTENCE YOU SAID? i can't remember.

56. WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT NOW? in lala land?

57. DO YOU USUALLY SMELL GOOD? ask the Rudolph from MusicLand. he seems to enjoy smelling people. ((:

58. WHAT'S ON YOUR BEDSIDE TABLE? books.

59. DESCRIBE YOUR LAST KISS? i haven't kissed anything or anyone in a long time & i can't remember. haha. but i still prefer hugs but that's irrelevant.

60. EVER FELT SO HUNGRY THAT YOU FELT YOU COULD EAT THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU? nope. only cannibals feel that, riight?

61. HOW MANY LANGUAGES HAVE YOU EVER SPOKEN, AND WHICH DO YOU WANT TO LEARN? a couple. haha. always learning weird phrases. x)

62. DO YOU LIKE BEING AROUND PEOPLE? hell yeah.

63. DO YOU KNOW WHAT GELATIN IS MADE OUT OF? gelatin is extracted from cows. i know cuz i do food & nutrition.

64. TELL US ONE THING YOU'RE SURE NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT: haha. i'm gorgeous!!

65. IS YOUR YOUNGEST GRANDPARENT OLDER THAN THIS NUMBER? nope. :D

2004-12-07T16:39:00.000+08:00

Aww. My unc's poor dog passed away. He must be damn sad. Poor Boyboy has passed on. My unc even sent me an sms to inform me of the dog's passing on. & I replied with, "My condolences. Btw, are you gonna bury or cremate it?"

I'm just being concerned, not mean. -smiles-

Man, I wanna go watch Shutter! & I wanna go shopping, & I wanna go NYDC!

Meanwhile, I'll keep myself entertained. ((:

My Wishlist for Santa, or anyone who wants to get me a pressie (HAHA):
#o1. The Virgin Suicides VCD
#o2. The Virgin Suicides OST
#o3. Virgin Suicide by AIR
#o4. My Prerogative by Britney
#o5. Best of Blue
#o6. A new backpack (that's gonna be from pappa!)
#o7. Nike Duo Presto (but I've got a new watch already.)
#o8. YOU! (haha. that's totally random, besides this dream is SO far-fetched.)

Haha. I'm SO greedy. I know. ((:

All I want for Christmas is you.

2004-12-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

I skipped my netball training again. But hell no. It wasn't on purpose. I slept at the unholy hour of 5am & it was just impossible for me to get outta bed at 7am. Hurs.

Conferenced on the phone with Kelson & KangWei last night. Haha. Otherwise known as the lovey-dovey Ken & Barbie. x)

Anyhoos. I thought through a lot of stuff last night.

Things in the past. The happy ones, the sad ones.

Then inevitably, I thought of all the things we talked about before. Then I realised how "shaky" our friendship had been in the past. But I'm thankful that now, it isn't as "shaky".

Sometimes I wished that I could just call you whenever I want, without having to worry that I'll not have anything to say to you. & always, I'd think to myself why it's so hard for me to say a simple good-bye.

I had a million chances to tell you everything. But time & again, I didn't.

2004-12-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

I've been happy for way too long. I need some unhappiness.

Ughs. I've no idea what I'm saying again. Getting totally random these days. Yes, random.

I've been smiling so much my muscles hurt.

All those stuff you said to me. I don't know where to put them. Here, there, or just chuck them one side. Hahs.

I just wanna go somewhere & shout. ARGHS.

I don't even know what I am, who I am sometimes.

I don't wanna be unhappy. Yet I don't like to be happy all the time. It's like. Ughs. I'm going totally random. BAHS.

2004-12-05T17:42:00.000+08:00

-smiles yet another BIG smile- ((: It's nice when you have someone to talk to.

I don't know what I'm talking about, man. I've been uttering gibberish lately. Haha.

I still miss my shinest star!

I'm gonna do some other changes to my blog again, cuz I'm really bored & star is sleeping.

& I wanna go watch Shutter, I wanna go get The Virgin Suicides OST & VCD!

2004-12-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

Arghs. Life's been uber boring. Kelson's started work. Haha. & poor boy. Have to get up at like 5 tomorrow morning?! Haha. That's totally crazy.

& yes. I'm still having the hangover from the musical. ((:

Ah ha. I changed my layout once again. I just SO love orange. As much as I love my shiniest star! Hehs.

Ooh. & my mom said that Sly's getting a contract too. -smiles a big smile- & I SO do not like Taufik! & my fave radio station, Perfect 10 is like playing his song over & over & over again. Thank goodness it's not stuck in my head nor do I hum it while I do the dishes or lie on my bed. Phew.

Muffin Queen's Singapore Idol will always be Sly! ((:

& Stephy. Have you been to the docs?

& Kelson. When can we go catch Shutter?

& KangWei. When are we gonna go NYDC?

Ah yes. & I've finished The Virgin Suicides. I'm gonna get the VCD or DVD next. ((:

It's a nice book. It keeps you reading & reading till the end. It gives me some ideas on how to commit suicide. HAHA. I'm also having yet another persistent hangover from The Virgin Suicides. ((:

Playground Love; Air
I'm a high school lover, and you're my favorite flavor
Love is all, all my soul
You're my Playground Love

Yet my hands are shaking
I feel my body remains, themes no matter, I'm on fire
On the playground, love.

You're the piece of gold the flushes all my soul.
Extra time, on the ground.
You're my Playground Love.

Anytime, anyway,
You're my Playground Love.

Yays. Was just asking Nat about TVS stuffs. & it's all at HMV!!! Arghs. Shopping spree begins. Muahahas. Smooches for Nat too!

Ah yes. Before I go. Virgin Suicide ROCKS. ((: -smiles a BIG smile-

2004-12-02T04:53:00.000+08:00

Muahas. The Muffin Queen is still SO having a hangover from the musical, Music Land's Missing Melody!!!

Haha. This hangover is gonna last a while, man. Haha. Had truck-loadsa fun with the cast, as well as the much-disliked Director, Miss Joanna. ((:

I thank God for allowing me to erm... do my stuff without any BIG screwups. Haha. & kudos to the oh-so-HAWT cast that we have on the set of Missing Melody too. The teachers rawked BIG time! Ah has. & not forgetting, kudos to me for being able to erm... chunk in a crap load of information just an hour before the event, & doing impromptu nicely for the first time. Muahas. YES, I RAWK. ((:

Y'know, those who didn't attend the musical really lost out BIG time, man. Haha. But anyhows. It's really a nice experience, working on the set of a musical, & which happens to be my school's virgin musical production. Haha. & of cos, meeting people like Miss Jo, the lighting guy who STILL shone so much bloody friggen light on me, and the other guy I can't remember. Haha.

Haha. & KangWei, Kelson, Kelvin & Alden came too. Lols. They were totally crazy. Haha. I was like up on stage trying SO hard to keep calm (after having being in a hibernation & not doing compering stuff for 4 months) & the four of 'em were there waving. Haha. But hell yeah. My friends rawk, don't they? ((:

Hung out with 'em for a while at Macs after the thing ended too. Had fun, & my folks picked me up. ARGHS. Haha. & Sly lost. )): But neverminds. The hangover of the musical shall keep me in high-spirits for erm... 7513941205584513498 hours. ((:

I SO wanna work in a musical thingae again! Haha.

Ohs. & I wanna go watch Shutter! Kelson!!! Haha. ((:

2004-11-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

Ah ha. I haven't been blogging much lately. Went to school for the rehearsal on Thursday which was totally slack-ish for me. Haha. Besides, the script I got is like SO short. Hehs. ((:

Went off for Ying Xuan's birthday party at DownTown after my rehearsal with Stephy & Char. Haha. It was fun. & I met a GMSS guy, his name is erm... KaiXun or something like that. Too bad I didn't get his number or anything. He seemed really a nice guy to befriend. No other erm... meaning though. ((: He came over to our chalet to borrow a lighter, & ended up staying to help us start the fire as well as barbeque when he came to return the lighter. Haha. But yeah. He's friendly.

& poor birthday girl got smashed in the face with the cake by her father. Lols. I haven't been smashed in the face or anything before. Hehs. But yeah. Gave Ying Xuan the pressie that Stephy & I got for her. BUT SHE DIDN'T PUT IT ON TILL I LEFT! Haha. Anyhows. Hope she likes it man.

My folks are out now. BAHS. & I'm left at home with the two pain-in-the-ass-sisters that I have. Haha.

& hurrah! My folks are gonna bring me to the beach later. Hehs. Pray that it doesn't rain.

Full-dress rehearsal on Tuesday night. Ughs. Totally spoils my day. It starts at like 7pm! Haha. But anyhow. At least there's something fulfilling for me to occupy my time.

Oh. & I've yet to get my black shirt or just something that's black for Wednesday. Phffft.

2004-11-25T01:16:00.000+08:00

Hurrah! I've finally gotten a hair cut. Hehs. It's now short, you can ask Stephanie. Haha. But thank God it isn't high maintenance, so I can go to school starting next year with geeky specs & a hair that doesn't require the blow dryer nor the hair wax. ((:

Hehs. Got my hair cut on Tuesday, with Stephanie. Haha. & we saw Ying Xuan on the train when we were heading to town. Ah. So we went shopping, more like window-shopping, cuz there weren't any thing that caught my eye. ): But I finally bought the book that I want. The Virgin Suicides!!! ((: Been reading it religiously. & yes. Cecilia killed herself, attempting suicide twice.

My next aim is to get the VCD or DVD. As well as the Bridget Jones's novel. Hehs. I'm a geek in the making. -smiles-

Okays. Enough of the smileys & all things happy.

Mom's been really PMS-y or erm... menopause-y lately. She's really getting on my nerves, prolly as much as I'm getting on hers anyway. She keeps yelling at me. Ughs. & which 15-ish kid would not erm... yell back?! Well, I'm one that would, for sure.

All the chores & stuff. It's getting too much, man. I hate it. But I don't think she even gives a bloody damn about it. Screw it.

Sighs.

Oh yeah. Was in bed last night really early & then the guys over at Kelson's starting calling. Haha. & sms-ing. Funny buncha people. ((: & that dumb penguin, wanted to sms till 6am. Screw his head man. Haha.

Really bored now. Tsk tsk. & I've got rehearsals in the afternoon later on, then I've got to go to Ying Xuan's birthday party. I'm a busy kid, again. & finally man. I love the hustle & bustle to be part of my life! ((:

"Buffeted but not broken." - Father Moody, The Virgin Suicides

2004-11-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

Ah yes. I haven't updated in quite a while. )):

Nothing much to write. Been sleeping real late & waking up real late as well. Haha.

Life's a bore. It really is. Sighs.

I want the answers! Ughs.

& yes. YOU. Yes, the one over there. Why aren't you telling me the truth? Why are you keeping it from me? Why be so pretentious? You can't be yet another Miss Pretentious cuz there's only supposed to be one!

Ughs. I don't know.

I want to know the truth. I want the answers to my questions.

& yes. You're the only one who can answer them. Yes, YOU.

If I was the one, can't you just tell it in my face?

Ughs.

There CANNOT be 2 Miss Pretentious. There's only room for 1.

2004-11-18T20:27:00.000+08:00

Sighs.

Sighs.

Sighs.

I hope you're okay. You're making me worried. Like the stuff you wrote in your blog & stuff. & you not replying my messages online.

I'm really not feeling well. Sighs. & nothing's helping.

Just hope you're awright.

Sighs.

2004-11-17T20:05:00.000+08:00

Today was erm... I really don't know how to describe, really.

It was kinda fun, cuz I went out & all. But it was boring at the same time. Haha. But the peeps with me were fun. ((:

Went out with the Old Man, Kelson & his brother, Kelvin. Was fun, even though I don't know Kelson & Kelvin. But yeah. Hella fun with them. ((:

So thanks guys. You guys were fun. I hope we guys can like hang out again.

Ohs. I'm gonna start my X'mas pressies hunting soon. Will be getting for quite a few people. ((: Am gonna be broke, again. Sheesh.

Miss y'all! Ohs. & I'll try to make Sunday free for you, YX. Take care in the mean time!

2004-11-14T20:29:00.000+08:00

Okays. I'm still sick. I'm so okay. NOT.

Dumb flu still hanging around. Ughs.

Anyways. Nothing BIG has happened lately. Cuz I'm all sick & lazing at home all day.

Very wasted time.

Ah. I got my Diaryland going again. It's personal though. ((:

Oh yeah. Just in case you're wondering why I got my Diaryland going again, it's cuz there're way too many personal stuff I can't write here cuz of the fear of offending one person or another. ):

2004-11-11T19:27:00.000+08:00

Arrrrhhh choos!

I'm still sick. *coughs coughs*

But he called this afternoon & it made me feel SO much better. ((: Thanks, yeah?

Haha. I was just looking at my desk calendar just now & I went to count the number of days to his birthday. & guess what. I counted wrong the first time. I counted one day more. Haha. So today, it's 65 (read: SIXTY FIVE) days to the Old Man's 17th birthday!

I miss him SO much. )):

*coughs coughs*

Gotta run now. Go take a shower & get all ready for Singapore Idol at 8pm. ((:

2004-11-10T19:50:00.000+08:00

Boo hoos. I'm sick. )):

Came back from Camp & am sick. Haha. Must be too much erm... shouting & screaming & laughing & just wayyyy too much fun!!!

I still can vividly picture the fun we all had together yesterday. How all the Prefects were all drawing one another's faces, & how my group were just crapping & got disqualified from the games. Haha. My group totally rocked.

How I wish it didn't end. )):

Oh wells. I shall plan something more next time! ((:

Misses the Old Man SO much. & today's 67 days to his 17th birthday.

Went to school today to prepare for the thingae on Friday. There's gonna be a Conference held in my school, & my honeybuns&candypuffs are gonna be the ushers! ((: So happy to see them, even though not everyone is involved.

Then I went off with Teas, Char & Bridget. Me & Teas went to Tampines Mall then Orchard. Haha. She's the blast! Haha. It's SO MUCH fun being her. Going around shopping & all. Looking for clothes & going into G2000. Lols. & we looked SO weird, stepping into a shop that is SO mature. Haha. & now I know that we actually share similar interests! & we are both erm... more of a tomboy in one way or another. We both like boy-ish stuffs, prefers shorts & pants to skirts & dresses! ((: Muahas. & we rock! Remember we are in the Lollipop Gang!

& we're gonna go out more often too! Yays. Teas rock! ((:

Mom doesn't know though, that I went out after school. Wahahahas. I came home & told her that I had meeting with the Exco. Oops. Haha. A white lie. Muahas.

Will miss all my honeybuns&candypuffs & the OLD MAN! -mwaarrrrhhhh-

2004-11-09T18:34:00.000+08:00

8 & 9 November 2004; Prefects' Camp 2004

This two days, apart from XSLC & my 15th birthday, has got to be the best days of my life this year. Prefects' Camp rocked BIG time!

8 November
The first day was fun. There were external instructors who came in to conduct the activities. Had loadsa fun in the morning. But fun aside, it seriously did bring the Prefects closer together. They were all very active & all, even though not all of the Prefects turned up.

We were all split into groups & the first activity was to erm... collect the name tags that were lying all over the place. Prefects in each of the six groups had to have their arms "hooked" together and go around the room as a group to pick up the tags. Was really fun, cuz my group was enthu! I had Muhaimin, Hafeez, Ernest, Sakinah, Alvin a.k.a Chrissypoo & me. Hehs. All the enthu people. ((:

(Things I'm gonna write erm... will most prolly not be in chronological order due to my poor memory.) Then came the games. Hehs. It was a blast! There were five stations each group had to go to. & each group was given a litted candle which we were supposed to bring with us & making sure that the flame doesn't blow out. & my first station was the Water Pipes. Haha. We were given a tall pipe with loadsa holes, a pail, a container & a ping pong ball. The instructor dropped the ball into the pipe & we were supposed to pour water in so as to get the ping pong ball out. Haha. BUT there were HOLES in the pipe! It was kinda tough. But nonetheless, we tried our best. Desperately pouring water in and covering the holes... But, still water gushed out faster than it went in. Haha. Then Muhaimin & Hafeez took off their shirts & tried to tie it around the pipe so as to block the holes. But still. Haha. Then came the last resort. We filled the pail with water and Hafeez & Muhaimin poured it into the pipe while the rest of us tried to cover as many holes as possible. BUT, we ended up getting all wet. But it was fun!!! *beams*

Then the groups each had to collect a code every 6 minutes by answering a GK question. Second stop was even MORE FUN! Muahas. Each group of 6 people had to stand on two wooden planks that looked more like ski and erm... walk with them, pulling the strings that were attached to move. Haha. & we beat Kim Swee's group. Yellow Group ROCKS! Hehs.

Next we went on to another station, where we were to arrange drink cans into words. Haha. Was fun, 'cept that the instructor kept asking us to do different words over & over & then finally asking us to arrange back to the word "Prefect" finally on purpose. Muahas. But was fun! Teamwork really rocks BIG time.

Then we proceeded on to sort out beans. We almost went nuts. Wahahahas. Sorting out red & green beans. But it was fun, with Kim Swee's group around too. ((:

Then... erm. We finished off with a trust fall. The Prefects were divided into the Girls & the Boys. One Prefect would be atop the table while the rest were in position below to catch the Prefect as he/she fell. Wahahahas. I sabo-ed Tisa & didn't expect the Prefects to get me to go as well. Oops. Haha. Was kinda scary though, especially when you have the guys all making SO much unnecessary noise to distract you & all. But yeah. IT ROCKED! SO FUN!

Then was the course. Learnt loadsa character stuff. & I learnt that, Leadership is Influence, and it's also the ability to influence others. Really fruitful course to me. ((: & Kim Swee claimed to be cute. Haha. That MUST be a misconception. Lols.

After lunch we came back for the course. The instructors rocked too. ((: They were leaders before too, & the experiences they shared really motivated me to do even better. As well as to constantly improve & better myself. & it was rather easy to relate to them too.

Then we were broken up into our coms and did some discussion. Then followed by a erm... model-making competition. With limited pieces of newspaper & one long strip of masking tape. Haha. & LOGISTICS COMMITTEE WON!!! Both our models won! ((: & LOGISTICS ROCKS BIG TIME! But the main point is, my Com really bonded a whole lot. & I'm really really very glad.

9 November
This is even MORE fun. Even though I wasn't feeling well cuz of fever the night before, and that the Exco met up for a meeting at night to finalise the stuff. ((:

I SO feel like crying now that I'm writing this. -sniffs-

Went to school early to get everything ready. However, I was really disappointed by the number of Prefects that turned up today. But oh wells.

Had the Gurdian Angel thingae. & my mortal was Josh. Haha. We aren't erm... really good together cuz we always bicker a lot. Haha.

Then we went to the 3E2 classroom after some issues were settled. Mr. Tan came in to speak to the Prefects. & we kinda discussed all the outstanding problems & issues within the Board, especially those concerning the duties. Then Muhaimin & Stanley went on to clarify doubts regarding the Prefect duties & all.

Then it was playtime! Whees! Played loadsa games. Shall not say too much. Just loadsa them. & we really had a lot of fun. Sabo-ing Mr. Tan at Whacko!. Haha.

Through all laughter & the screams & the shouts, I can see that the Board had bonded in some way or another. & it is a very good improvement & start.

& seeing that the Exco actually worked out our differences & went on to run everything smoothly together. It was really touching. Especially considering the fact that we did quite a lot of last minute work cuz we only had a week to plan everything.

& looking at the Prefects, all of them. I'm really touched. Some of them did feel kinda erm... lame & bored at the beginning of the entire thing. But they all got warmed up & enjoyed it. I'm really tocuhed by how the Prefects finally opened up to the Exco & how everyone actually bonded together.

& even Josh, my mortal for today. Haha. Really touched by this one guy. Haha. He's always been this guy in my Com always giving me loadsa nonsense & crap & all. Even today. Wanting to go home & all. Haha. But I was really touched when he sms-ed to thank me for the Skittles I gave him today. Haha. Really very touched. -sniffs-

My eyes are all watery now. -sniffs-

& now, I wanna thank a lot of people.

To my dearest Exco:
You guys are the greatest people ever! It's so touching, the whole thingae today. The way we worked & all. Really bonded & kinda put aside our differences too. Our hardwork & worries did pay off afterall! Love y'all! EXCO 2004 to 2005 ROCKS MUH SOCKS!

To my Prefects:
Don't think any of them would see this. But still. Thanks for being so enthu today. You guys gave the Exco a chance to actually make a change & everyone kinda influenced everyone. Haha. I guess your influence on the Exco would be to have motivated us throughout the Camp & making us even more keen on making things good enough for all of you as well as to let you guys enjoy it. Thanks for making it all happen. You guys will always be the best to me!

To KangWei:
Thanks for coming & joining us throughout the whole of today. It was really nice having you around. It kinda boosted my confidence as well as the Exco to do everything. As well as making us even more eager to make things GOOD. It's sad to think that you aren't gonna be around next year & all. Haha. But I promise, I will get you back for our events! ((:

Kinda miss all the Prefects right now. )): It'll be a long time before I see them.

[[ all the prefects 2003 - 2005 are my h0neybuns & candypuffs! & exc0 2004 - 2005 r0cks muh s0cks! ]]

2004-11-07T16:56:00.000+08:00

Ughs. This is getting crazy.

Am I that bossy? I didn't even command him to do anything & he says I'm bossy. Ughs. So be it then. I shall shut up & leave my authority to be unused. UGHS.

It's tough being a leader. It gets so tiring you just wanna be a quitter. BAH.

I just hope tomorrow will be a good day & I shall stay hyper throughout the entire thingae. So Ying Xuan & Char baobei shall have the prestigious erm... role of keeping me hyped up & crazy. Thankiews! Lols.

Woke up with yet another unbearable throbbing headache. UGHS. I hate these days. )):

I miss the Old Man. Oh wells.

Sent tons of sms-es to the Prefects just now. I think I'll have no choice but to pay my own bills this time round. -sighs-

See what I mean when I say it's tough being a leader. UGHS.

Anyways. My granny's hospitalised. Boo hoos. She had a fever & then now her lungs are infected with some bloody virus. Poor granny. & my parents don't allow us to go visit her cuz my gran's churchmate told my mom that her grandkids fell sick after going to the hospital. Boo hoos.

Hopes my granny gets well soon. Will be praying hard for her! ((:

I still don't know if prayers really are answered. But well. I still pray. 'Cept that I do get real tired at times & forget to do so. Oops. Haha.

I'm bored. )):

2004-11-06T14:16:00.000+08:00

Phffft.

There's been so many weird numbers ringing up my number today.

Pisses me off. PHFFFT.

I don't even bother to answer. There's like SO many. & all the numbers look SO alien to me. I don't know them. Wonder where the hell they got my number from. PHFFFFT.

Will be attending my lil' sis' grad ceremony later. ((: She's going to Primary One next year! I'm proud of her!

Haha. She's so cute. But so small. Haha. I think her school bag's gonna weigh so much more than her. Haha.

Laters folks. Gotta run.

2004-11-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

Took loadsa photos of my lil' sis at her Grad Day rehearsal. ((: She's SO cute!

Went to the Food Fair at Expo after that. Gosh. & mom bought SO much stuff. Yikes.

I think that can erm... last us about 2 weeks? Gosh.

But yeah. 'Twas nice. But I'm gonna balloon up! Ughs.

My headache's gone. Yays.

Still hasn't checked out the shirt for you, so sorry. Haha.

Oh yeah. Prefect stuff on Monday. I think there are quite a number of my juniors who can't make it. Boo hoos.

& I'm so gonna get the Virgin Suicides as well as a present for Ying Xuan's birthday. ((: Any suggestion, people?

2004-11-05T09:23:00.000+08:00

Woke up with a bloody throbbing headache that hasn't went away till now. UGHS.

Was supposed to go to school for a meeting but I couldn't. Lil' sis has to go for her Grad Day full dress rehearsal so I'm gonna tag along to help. ((: Will take pictures (hopefully).

Yesterday's SI Spectaculars totally rocked. *beams- Sly is still as cute as ever. & Olinda just rocked beeg time. I liked Daph's performance though. But I think either Daph or Leandra would be out.

The Idols are on Morning Madness on Perfect 10 right now. ((: Yays!

& Sly & Oli rocks! ((:

& Friendster IS screwed! All of my 57 testimonials went "poof!" Great disappearing act. Phhhfffffttt. So is Old Man's one. -cries- & I wrote SO many for him. Haha.

Life has been great lately. Even though it's boring. Am gonna head out for lunch with sister later on. Haha. & I'm gonna get Emma her Hello Kitty toy & her fish burger. Lols. Troublesome kid. Hmms.

Misses Old Man. )):

& Eliza, where have you been? )):

There's school for me on Monday & Tuesday. ((: Prefect's stuff. Totally rocks. Muahas. Too bad I can't go for meeting today. I'm tired.

Will update later. -muaks-

2004-11-04T19:53:00.000+08:00

Is it just my computer or is both MSN & Friendster screwed up?

Either way. UGHS.

Got some really nice icons & avatars. Haha. ((:

I'm SO bored. OLD MAN, where are you?!! ): Misses you loads...

Haha. 74 days. & I just enjoy making you feel old. Whees.

Oh btw, anyone has the Virgin Suicides? The book I mean. ((:

2004-11-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Didn't feel well last night, & still wasn't this morning. : | Body's aching. *ouchhies*

Am feeling really drained, for having sitted too long in front of the computer. Boos. Updating the prefects' records ain't fun at all. )): Boring too. Phffft.

I want someone to run with me. Ughs. Running alone ain't fun either. ):

Life's boring now that the hols are here. I need some challenge, some erm... fun!!! )):

Stupid is forever; ignorance can be fixed.

I miss you loads, old man. ))':

75 days & counting...

Sighs. Been studying loads lately. F&N, maths & my social studies. Boos. Oops. I forgot about Chinese.

Anyway, to those who are taking their Maths paper tomorrow. All the best! Smooches to all of you.

2004-11-03T01:03:00.000+08:00

I suddenly realised how much I actually miss you, as I look at my wallpaper each time I switch on my computer. It'll still be quite some time before I get to see you again. -cries-

Today was great. ((: Had physics lesson, which kinda sucked. Considering that I knew nuts about what Mrs. Ho was going on & on about. Some stuff about transverse waves of some kind. & the only thing I know. There's a test in the first week of the first school term next year. This calls for a celebration. NOT.

Haha. Chemistry rocked beeg time as it always did. What do you expect riight? You can't expect boring & dull lessons when your rocking teacher happens to be Mr. Lim. x) Haha.

He's such a stingy old man. Boos. Did so many different experiments that were supposed to teach us how to test for gases. Rocked totally. Haha. But too bad Hans weren't here. Awww. & yes. About Mr. Lim being a total stingy old man. He was so stingy, he didn't allow each of us to take a filter for one of the experiment. He took one piece & tore it into so many little pieces & passed it around. But still, I sneaked a piece of filter paper from the teacher's bench & continued. Haha. Potassiunm (VI) Dichromate is ORANGE in color. Whees. Haha. But that experiment proved a total failure. Cuz the potassium dichromate was supposed to turn from orange to green when it came into contact with whatever gas that was produced. But it didn't! Haha. & so did the rest of the class. No one got a successful experiment. Boos. Haha. Lousy filter paper. x))

But yeah. Chem still rocks beeg time.

Then I went to make my IC. Yes, I've finally made it all the way to Lavender to make the IC. ((: An illegal immigrant no more. x) Then had lunch with the girls before we went around walking & looking for stuffs. Hehs.

It's now 1am, as of what I'm typing now. So yeah. Some of the people I know are gonna have their English & Physics paper in like erm...7 hours time? So yeah. Will be praying for all of you, awrights? All the very best awrights. Especially to the Old Man, who is such a bad teacher & cannot teach me what's Alpha & Beta Decay. Or whatever it is. Haha. Nuclear Physics I think. Chapter 20. Yes. That's the one. You'd better teach me soon. Wahahahas. x))

Love y'all! That's for muh girlfriends. ((: Thanks for the company & yeah. Basically all the crazy moments. Thanks a bazillion. Hees.

2004-11-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

I think there's something not right about me. Haha. I don't know but it's just a feeling. Especially when I was talking to Old Man on MSN about his prom & all then we came across MX.

It kinda brings back loadsa fond memories, almost all of which MX wouldn't remember. Haha. It's been almost 3 whole years of friendship since Secondary 1. & it's like we've been through loadsa shit. Prefects, friendships, fights. It's sad when I think back only to see that some bloody incident has caused this rift between us.

I know I'm not someone who'd confront a problem when it's there. I'm more of a person who'd just treat it like nothing's happened. Especially if it's relationships & friendships issues. I run away from the truth. I hate the truth. I never liked it, not once, not ever.

The thing about all this is that, whenever something goes wrong with a friendship. I usually have no clue whatsoever to what caused it all. & no one is there to tell me either. I always have to find it out myself. & that sucks, if you didn't happen to know.

I'm always all smiles to other people. So no one really knows what I'm thinking. I can't even decipher my own thoughts sometimes. Ughs.

*edit]] Anyhows. There's school tomorrow. Yays! & I'm meeting some of 'em for brekkie. Whees! ((: This kinda brightens my night. Lols. Anyways. It's his Social Studies paper tomorrow. All the best yeahs? Will be praying for you. ((:

Hope it's gonna be fun tomorrow. ((: It's science. Yes. Both of it. *beams* Just love science. Whees!

Will be praying hard tonight for all my seniors. You, you, you & you! ((:

2004-10-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

Whees. Was fun today. Hehs. Slept in as it was Sunday, despite me saying that I wanna go for a run. It shall be Monday. Haha. Then went for dinner with my family. ((: It's been a long time since we all dined out together as a family.

Then we went to the Metro Warehouse Sale at Expo. ((: Bought a whole loada stuff. Haha. But yeah. Was a fun day overall. Hehs.

Gotta go to school on Tuesday & Wednesday. Whees. & I just remembered today. I have yet to make my IC. Haha. I'm an illegal immigrant here. Ooops. : |

& Happy Halloween peeps! ((:

& it's 78 days. Hehs. All the best for your Os yeah? Will miss you loads. )):

& this goes to all my other seniors too. All the best & good luck! -muaks-

2004-10-30T19:55:00.000+08:00

Yet another boring day. Was supposed to get up early in the morning for a run, but guess what. Being the typical ME I am, I woke up late & decided to stay home instead. Haha. So I'm gonna run tomorrow. ((:

Eliza, read my taggy yeahs? Haha.

I'm still bored. Slept very late last night cuz I was studying. YES. Studying. I, for one couldn't believe it myself. Studying when it's not even the last week of the holidays. Kudos to me. ((:

I think the Old Man seriously have NO luck when it comes to shopping for things he likes. Especially when it's a pink shirt we're talking about. I'm not trying to rub it in or anything but... Haha.

ChrissyPoo's out! Hehs. I'm not being mean but yeah. He's a pretty boy with a megawatt smile girls would swoon for. But he can't sing. Sly can. & he rocks beeg time. ((:

So, I'm back to square one. Being so bloody bored. )): There's nothing amusing. Cuz I still haven't gotten Frontpage yet. Ughs.

But yeahs. I just downloaded the trial versh of Photoshop. Ain't rich enough to buy the thingae. Boo hoos. ):

So yeah. I'm still bored. & thank God Ting Ting & Sabby's online. ((:

I think I miss Ashley. Wahahahas. Nah. I'm kidding. Yes, kidding. ((: He's cute, alright. But no erm... feelings. Old Man's cuter, no doubt he's older. Lols. & it's 79 days to his 17th birthday. ((:

& tomorrow's Halloween! But too bad we don't like celebrate it in Singapore. )): I'm sure Eliza would be having fun tomorrow. Update me yeahs? ((:

2004-10-29T15:14:00.000+08:00

Ughs. I'm SO bored. Holidays are here, & I'm supposed to be happy & all cheerful. But in contrary, I'm not. ): It's boring. I'm dying to change my layout & make more layouts. But now my computer doesn't have Microsoft Frontpage! -cries- )): Anyone has the Frontpage CD???

Went out for a while just now cuz I was plain bored. Chilled with Char for a while too. & we bought the same Esprit top. Heh. Classic black! Yays. ((:

But now I'm broke. Have been spending SO much money. Boo hoos. I'm still listening to the same CD mom bought yesterday. It rocks!

I'm gonna go do my Maths assignment later. Haha. I've been such a good girl. Lols. & I've gotta start studying already. It's my turn to take the bloody Os next year. *gasps*

I'm still wondering what to get YX for her birthday. Hmmms. ((:

Holidays are boring. I WANT SCHOOL! -rwwarrrhhh-

& I miss the old man. Haha. & it's 80 days to his birthday! ((:

2004-10-28T20:02:00.000+08:00

Ah wells. I'm feeling SO tired. Today has gotta be the most rocking last-day-of-the-term EVER. Yays! *beams*

Was uber late when I got to school in the morning. I got there like a friggen 8 am. Wahahas. Now you guys prolly figured out how bad an example I am for a prefect. But then again, today's the LAST day of school! Whees.

Had a talk on erm... STDs & AIDS. -rofl- Was kinda scary & at the same time knowlegable & erm... disgusting. The speaker showed us a short video about some girls & guys who are erm... boyfriends & girlfriends, like going out & stuff. & then there's the issue of sex & all. -lmao- & then there's this girl who's at a dilemma of whether to give in to her guy when there's rumours about the guy's ex contracted STDs & all. Haha. Then the speaker went on to tell us about the different STDs like syphillis & AIDS too. Haha. Too bad I ain't gonna be affected. I'm anti-premarital sex dood! Wahahahas.

Then we had the Talentime Finals 2004. Was kinda boorrrriiiinnnng though. Cuz there wasn't actually any act that really got me all excited. Haha. Anyhows. Then there was the part that the school thanked Mrs. Ang as she was leaving. Kinda sad though, that's if you think back & really THINK about all the stuff she'd done & all. )': But yeah. All hail the new Principal. Yays. She rocks! ((:

Then we sang the school song. & I sang it out loud for the FIRST time. Together with my juniors. -rofl-

Then the prefects got ready for the ushering. Kinda slack-ish. Haha. Nothing much to do anyway. So I was almost slacking the whole way through. Am kinda happy with my results. So yeah. *beams*

I finally managed to squeeze into the top 5 in class. Scrapping at #5. Muahas. ((: But I still flunked my maths. Wahahahas. & yes. I'm promoted to 4 express. Whees!

Then I went on to meet my mom & my two sisters for a late lunch. ((: & mom bought me my CD. Hurrah! -rwaarhh- The 1 CD. Yays. Am listening to it now. Heh. Totally rocks! Thanks mom! ((: *beams*

So yeah. Ciao to school & heyys to the hols! Yipee. Although it's gonna get kinda stale by the time the first month passes. )): Haha.

2004-10-27T19:59:00.000+08:00

Yays. Eliza's feeling better. ((: Stay cheerful yeah?

Didn't go to school today. Was sick. Terribly sick. *coughs & sniffs* ARRRRRCHHHOOOOO!

Had a good rest today. Was just lazing & resting the day away. Muahas.

But I didn't go to school when there was the presentation & I was supposed to be the emcee. *looks at self in guilt* Haha. Still feel guilty about it. Not really responsible of me. But ah wells. I'm SICK!

But anyhow, the Prefects got 2nd! Yays! Love y'all doods!

Getting back the report book tomorrow. Erps. Haha. Shall then announce my results... But it's gonna be BAD for sure. )):

Sighs. Didn't go to school today. Didn't get to see Ashley. Wahahahas. People who don't know me would prolly think I'm head over heels in love with him, but I'm not. Muahas. ((:

2004-10-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

Some people really should start learning to not take things for granted. Can't they put themselves in other people's shoes & think for them? It's not as if anyone is obliged to do things for them. So yeah. It's bloody high time you guys woke up & THINK. God didn't give you brains for nothing.

Open House today totally rocked. Even though I got really really tired out by the EPPS kids. EPPS 6K 2004 rocks! Haha. I was in-charge of their class. Buncha mischevious kids, man. Haha. They were so full of energy. & it was a miracle I could sustain throughout the entire tour!

Hafeez looked dashing today in his No. 5 NCC uniform. Haha. With his tie & everything, looking so serious. But somehow that didn't deter him from going round with hands full of face paint trying to smudge it on everyone. Nadz seemed rather sick though. & MX looked like some bloody perv with a hat on & face paint all over his face. Hah.

Everything was kinda messy in the beginning. But thank God everything turned out a-okay. ((: Many thanks to my partner too, Ashley. He's SO cute! Haha.

But yeah. Open House rocked! But I suppose this is gonna be my first & last. -cries-

But anyhow. The kids didn't seem Coralite enough to be one. Haha. I know it doesn't make sense. But ah wells.

Kinda sick now. & gotta compere for the WITS thing tomorrow. Damnit. Ughs. Mr. Lim just so CANNOT choose someone else. Bleahs.

Hope Eliza's awright. Haven't been seeing her online for quite some time now. )): Drop me a mail or something yeah? Update me what's happening.

Pigs could fly if you didn't lie.

& did I say? AHSLEY'S SO CUTE! ((:

2004-10-25T20:02:00.000+08:00

It hurts to see my friend being hurt. Especially when jerks are the cause of the pain. Ughs. I just don't understand why guys enjoy hurting a girl or seeing a girl hurt & sad & all cuz of him. Ughs. Heartless & insensitive creatures.

Had a "forum" with the incoming principal, Mdm Ng just today. She rocks! & I mean it. Haha. I know you hardly see a student, especially one that's rather erm...rebellious say something like that about a principal but yeah. She does rock. At least she's the type "come-on-let's-talk" kinda person, & she definitely is more receptive to ideas, suggestions & what nots from her students. & definitely, she supports the Prefectorial Board. I've been waiting for this for like phwoar. Ages.

& she was really open to talk to us about the school. The rules (which apparently sucks!). & yeah. She allows us the free will of speech. Yays. Coral finally ROCKS!

Tomorrow's Coral's Open House. Will be down to bring the lil' Primary 6s around the school. Heh. It's gonna be FUN! Rather enthu about it. & definitely getting a lil' crazy today. Haha.

I certainly hope Eliza dear is feeling a-okay. Kinda shocked to see her entries. Ughs. Guys seriously should learn to be more appreciative. UGHS. Insensitive creatures. So yeah Eliza, cheer up babe. You know I'm still here! -kisses-

You know that you're unique & no one, not even Nathan can bring you down. & you know we all love you! So cheer up yeah? ((:

School's ending on Thursday. I just so hope I can fly to Australia & drop by Eliza's. Miss her loads! & I'm gonna get my report book soon. Bleahs. & mom expects me to get top 3. Dream on, mom. Haha.

Oh yeah. Did I say. Ashley's real CUTE. Haha. He's my junior. But he's cute. Lols. ((:

Misses Kecchi. Boo hoos. )):

2004-10-23T21:24:00.000+08:00

Blogger's been seriously lagging. I know it isn't my computer, cuz I just reformatted & all, & it's not "loaded". Haha.

Went to meet my bao bei Char, Ying Xuan, & Xin Yi just this afternoon. Was laughing our asses off just looking at the pictures we took on Friday. Haha. But yeah. We all miss our seniors BIG time. -cries-

Am officially broke now. Haha. Shall source for ways to get money from my folks. Gonna be tough though. Haha.

& I'm stoning SO much. I'm probably gonna die or go bonkers soon. & omfg. 2 bloody boring months of holiday.

Ying Xuan's gonna celebrate her birthday too. Hehe. Barbeque!!! -roars- Haven't had one in like ages. Haha. So yeah. I'm happy & eagerly looking forward to it. & I'm gonna take a ton of pictures! Yays!

Dumb Kecchi isn't responding on MSN. Dumb dodo head. Ughs. & he owes me a ton of testimonials. He should repay me somehow. *sulks*

It's fun talking to Kheng Wai though. Haha. Gives me an insight into an 8teen year old's life & all. Haha. It's nice to talk to him, cuz he makes me feel happy. Haha. & we kinda CAN chat. Even though we haven't even seen one another in the face. Lols. & he's one helluva funny guy. Cracks me up sometimes. -rofl-

& Eliza, don't start getting homesick awright? ((:

My computer now doesn't have Frontpage installed. Ughs. & I can't design layouts to kill time, which I've got tons of.

I'm still thinking of what to get people for their X'mas presents. Haha. & I'm gonna be pathetically broke in no time to come.

It's been raining today. So brrrrr cold.

No one can buy love; but we all have to pay heavily for it.

2004-10-22T20:49:00.000+08:00

Oggays. Guess what. I've been MIA for the past couple of days cuz my friggen computer was DOWN. Ughs.

But it's fixed now. *grins*

Oggays. Shall do what is necessary. The Birthday Announcements. Lols.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!! 18102004

Dad turned 38! Oops. I revealed his age. OMG. Haha. He doesn't read my blog anyway.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING ELIZA!!! 21102004
Yays! Darl Eliza turns a sweet sixteen. & I'm so pretty darn sure she's still as sweet as ever. Riight, Eliza? ((: Sorry I wasn't online & stuff. Dumb computers. Technology do gets on one's nerves at time. Phffft.

Birthdays aside.

MAIA IS OUT. LIKE WTF. UGHS.

She rocks beeg time awright. & she's out. But if it was Sly who got booted out. I think I'm never gonna watch reality TV ever again. Haha.

Oh yeah. School today sucked beeg time. Ughs. Forget about it. Shall be happy. (:

My seniors had their Graduation Ceremony today & I had to do my duties. So yeah. IT was a very touching one indeed. Considering the fact that I knew loads of them & they've all graduated now & I won't be able to see them in school next year. Boo hoos.

I almost cried. Haha. Cuz they played Graduation by Vitamin C & the slides were just SO touching. *cries* I can't imagine me going through something like that in like a year's time. OMG. Haha.

I still cannot accept the fact that my beloved seniors are leaving. Boo hoos, & the pictures I took makes me sad. ):

p/s: KangWei's smile is SO fake. Haha. :p

2004-10-17T19:11:00.000+08:00

Heh. Eliza finally found the page I made for my friends. Lol. & she feels special. Heh. ((: & I'm happy.

Whees.

Hope you're feeling awright though, Eliza. Don't be so sad about it. Cuz things don't always go the way we want it to. So stay cheery always. *beams*

My com's screwed. UGHS. Hate it when it gets screwed. & I can't seem to fix it. I never seem to be able to fix my own computer.

Have been fiddling with my craft stuff & htmls the whole of today. Was desperately trying to kill the boredom. & mom kinda got pissed cuz I was like not doing anything productive.

But hey. What do you expect me to do on a boring Sunday & when there's no school tomorrow & exams are O-V-E-R?
!

To Jolly, Ye Leng, Ying Xuan & Ting Ting:
Heyys girls. Heh. Thanks for being there for me in my worst times. I didn't like used to hang out that often with you guys, but it's different now. & I really appreciate you guys & love you guys for the care & concern you've given me. You guys don't make me feel awkard or anything. & you guys are always trying to cheer me up. Especially Jolly, always bouncing around. Haha. Sorry if I've been erm... less responsive & more quiet & gloomy lately. I'm not myself lately. It's just that yeah. I'm kinda tired with everything. But still, I really wanna thank the four of you for being there even though the worst has been happening to me. Really love you guys. Thanks.

To Charmaine:
Heyys bao bei! Heh. You too, is another one cutie who's been hanging there with me even though I'm like down in the dumps lately. You're always around with a shoulder for me to cry on & a smile to cheer me on. I couldn't have survived this period without you, girl. Thanks so much for being around. Yeah. I still owe you your keychain, and nope, I haven't forgotten. ((: Love ya loads!

Stephy, YM & QT:
I really have to say a huge sorry to the 3 of you. No doubt you guys stood by me in the darkest times. Somehow, this time round... I lost it & I kinda drifted off from where we used to be. I don't even know if any one of you are gonna read this. But oh wells. I still gotta say all these. I really appreciate all that you've done for me in the past, & I still do. Really miss those helluva fun & hilarious times we used to share. It was a blast. It had gotta be one of the best times being with the 3 of you this year. Love ya guys. & I still do.& I miss you guys tons too. Even though I don't say it nor show it. So yeah. Friends always?

To MX:
Again. I know you aren't gonna read this. But heck. 3 years have passed so fast. Just as fast as our friendship faded. I know you're prolly still pissed with me for asking you to fcuk off. But yeah. I just wasn't me at that time. You prolly wouldn't understand but it's awright. I know that we'll never be friends like we used to. & I'm really really sad. But wells. Everything has an end. So we all gotta move on somehow. Really miss the times we had fun together though. All the best. & I miss you. ='[

To Eliza:
Heyys girl. You're the best babe around. & I love you tons for that. Even though we're miles away. You're always so close to me somehow. You're really one whom I can talk to & cry to online. Lol. Yeah. I just so love you for that. You're gonna turn 6teen soon! Heh. So be happy yeah. Don't get too pissed with Bonnie too. Lols. Hope to hear from you soon. Oh & about Nathan. It's awright. Cuz I'll always be here. Love ya loads & I can't wait for you to be back in Singapore! ((:

To Ariel:
Hmmmms. You're one nice one to talk to as well. ((: Bet you didn't expect me to say something like this, riight? Haha. Anyhow, it's really nice to talk to you. You're one helluva objective person & always seems to give a totally different insight to my problem. Love ya for that, dood! Haha. It's been ages since I last spoke to you though. & I don't know if you're gonna read this. Anyhow, if you do, tag me yeah? Love ya loads!

To KW:
Heh. It's you! Lols. Yeah. It's been eons, not just ages dood, since we last spoke. But never mind that. Thanks for all the times you were always around when I needed you. Even though you were always preaching. Lols. Miss it though. Haha. I know you prolly wouldn't accept the shit when I say that I've changed & all but heck. I have, lah! You just don't know, you dodo head! Haha. Anyway, really miss the times yeah. So rock on & stay funkehh. & study too. Haha. O's are coming. Haha. Love ya loads too!

Oggays. That's all I've gotta say. So people. TAG ME! -muaks-

2004-10-16T19:23:00.000+08:00

Just got home.

Went shopping. Looked around, & found that there's nothing that catches my eye. Like for now, at least.

Spent a bomb on some craft stuff. & I'm gonna make cards! Yays.

Heh. Haven't made one in a long time. ((:

Daddy's birthday's on Monday. & I haven't gotten him his pressie yet. Yikes.

Am still bored. Erps.

I need someone to talk to. But Eliza's been MIA for some time. Haven't seen her online & she hasn't updated her blog either. Hmmmms.

Anyhows. I've got like nothing to do. & there's no school on Monday. That's like a good thing, but it's gonna be boring. Ughs.

Hasn't spoken to him for ages. BAH. I think it'll be eons before we talk. So it's awright. ):

Am gonna look for more inspiration now. Ciao.

2004-10-16T13:52:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored.

Exams are over, & now I don't know what to do. Considering the fact that mugging had taken up almost all of my time for the past 2 to 3 weeks. Ughs.

& mom wants me to clean up the damn house. Ughs.

I'm been bored. So I've been churning out tons of blog layouts. That's just how bored I am. BAH.

So I changed my own layout too. *beams*

Like it a lot. Whees. The baby rocks beeg time. Haha.

& Jerry got eliminated yesterday. This calls for a beeg celebration, dood. Haha.

JERRY'S OUT!

2004-10-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

I don't know where all this is gonna take me to.

Fcuk all of you who don't trust me.

Fcuk all the times I thought you were my friends.

Fcuk all the times I trusted you.

Only to know NOW that you don't trust me one bit.

Nope. Not one bit.

Don't tell me you're my friend when you're not.

Don't tell me you trust me when you don't.

Cuz I can't trust NO one anymore.

Eliza, I miss you.

Stephy, I miss you.

YM, I miss you.

MX, I miss you.

KW, I miss you.

I miss all my friends.

& I doubt it's all gonna be the same again.

Cuz I'm so bloody sure that it's NOT.

Things never go back to where they were once it's changed.

Never.

I cannot believe how I lost my friends.

EOYS gone with a blink of the eye. & now... failed ~~relation~~friendships

This is SO gonna be the last straw, man.

I've been trying so hella hard to talk. To communicate. But I can't.

It's no longer me. I don't even know me now.

I've changed so much. SO MUCH.

& I know it. I'm not oblivious to it.

I'm no longer the girl who is able to express how she ~~feels.~~

I can't do it now.

I hide everything so much that nothing has any significance anymore.

Or at least that may be what it seems to people.

& if you think I've become what I am now to placate those who would wanna see me go down. NO. I'm not.

I'm who I am. No one tells me what to do.

No one can make me ~~cry.~~ Just like what Cuzzy said. My tears have all been mollified in her poem.

Gosh. I feel like ~~crying.~~ But I know tears won't fall.

I miss all you guys so much. But it's all over. & I know it's cuz of me.

I'm sorry. So sorry.

God, won't you take me away?

2004-10-13T20:15:00.000+08:00

There was only one paper for me today. & I don't know if I've screwed it up by any chance. Haha.

It was relatively easy. That is if you studied. I did (duhh...), but not well enough I suppose. Haha.

I've got Maths Paper 2 & POA Paper 1 tomorrow. & then I can sleep in peace. 'Cept that I've still gotta go to school on the freaking Friday for a friggen Chinese Paper 3, that's the listening. UGHS.

& now I'm helping my sis with her prepwork. Haha. The questions are totally screwed. Can't they have something like what I had in the past. They were easy peas. Haha. But this... BAH.

I'm just SO gonna screw my Maths & POA tomorrow. I was doing my TYS for POA & I realised how much I didn't really know. Haha. & that freaked me out.

& I'm feeling dead beat now.

More Than Words

Saying I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say
But if you only knew
How easy it would be to
Show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do
To make it real then
You wouldn't have to say
That you love me
'Cause I'd already know
What would you do
If my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if
I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you
And make you understand
All you have to do
Is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands
And touch me hold me close
Don't ever let me go
More than words is
All I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
'Cause I already know

Whees. I love this song. It's such a nice song. & the words are all so nice... *swoons*

& this too.

Welcome To My Life; Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel ~~out~~ of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run ~~away~~?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
~~You~~ don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be ~~left out~~ in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No ~~you~~ don’t know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
~~Before~~ your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone ~~around~~?
With the big ~~fake~~ smiles and stupid ~~lies~~
But deep inside you're bleeding

No you ~~don't know~~ what it's like
When ~~nothing~~ feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be ~~left out~~ in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you've been pushed ~~around~~
To ~~be on the edge of~~ break~~ing~~ down
When no one's there to save ~~you~~
No you ~~don't know~~ what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever ~~lies~~ straight to your face
And no one ever ~~stabbed~~ you in the back
You might think I'm ~~happy~~
But I'm not gonna be ok

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You ~~don't know~~ what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be ~~left out~~ in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed ~~around~~
To ~~be on the edge of~~ break~~ing~~ down
When no one's there to save ~~you~~
No you ~~don't know~~ what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be ~~left out~~ in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you’ve been pushed ~~around~~
To ~~be on the edge of~~ break~~ing~~ down
When no one's there to save ~~you~~
No you ~~don't know~~ what it's like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

This song is SO me. BAH.

2004-10-11T15:37:00.000+08:00

"Euphoria" is a nice word. Haha. Just suddenly thought of the word somehow. Lols. It means elation, if you didn't already know. ((:

I still can't sign in & the dumb one has gone off to do some funny research prolly cuz he's got waaaaayyyyyy too much time on his hands. Lols.

I'm always refraining from "suan-ing" the dumb one on my blog but somehow I can't. Heh.

& somehow that makes me miss him even more. *cries-

Oggays. Shall not be un-euphoric. Obviously, I made that word up myself. Hah. I'm getting waaaayyy too bored without my good ole' MSN. Boo hoos.

Whees. Oh, & HI! bao bei. Heh. That's Char, my bao bei I'm saying hi too. Lols.

2004-10-11T15:29:00.000+08:00

Boo hoos. Can't seem to sign in to MSN. Phffft. It's screwed!

Don't know what's wrong. & simply can't be bothered now.

Today's Maths is a goner. I practically didn't even touch the book, how the heck do you even expect to scrap with a pass? Bah.

F&N wasn't any better either. That T.S.O, asked us to study 13 units & ended up, she only tested like what, 4 or 5 units in all. Phffft.

Ughs. Tomorrow's Geography & POA Paper 2. I know I can pass both. But that's NOT the point.

I'm totally screwed now. As in stressed. BAH.

Exams are killing me. & I was like friggen cold in the classroom today. Haha.

Haha. Am on the phone with the dumb one. Heh. ((: *beams*

2004-10-10T03:18:00.000+08:00

I seriously cannot fall asleep. & it's terrible.

But what's more terrible is that I haven't started any revision this weekend. & I'm pretty confident of flunking maths & f&n now. & that is nothing good. BAH.

& now I can't sleep. & I'm not in the mood to study. I need someone to talk to.

UGHS.

I was just thinking about what he'd told me last night. About my friends being worried about me & all.

Seriously, I have no idea. I know I'm making people unhappy when I pull a long face either cuz I'm really drained physically or mentally or just plain ole' sad. But I don't want it either.

I'm seriously no longer the Eileen I used to be. & no, it's not them who caused it. They don't even deserve a speck of my attention in the first place. & I won't be bothered. It's just me.

Me. As always.

I know I'm changing. & I know that I'm drifting away from people I was once close to. It's just that, I no longer am the girl who puts on a different mask each day. But I'm now someone who's just me. The real me. The one who isn't someone who attracts attention now & then. I just wanna keep it low. It's tiring having to put on a mask every other day.

Even my teachers noticed the change in me. That just goes to show how real those "masks" had been. Hurhurs.

I no longer am someone who is comfortable telling other people my troubles, my unhappiness & all. I can't even tell him everything now. He used to be my bestest best friend, apart from YM and Stephy. Now I'm drifting further & further from YM & Stephy and I've seriously drifted way too far away from MX. But him, I don't know. He's still near to me. But not as near as before. I no longer open up to anyone. & the funny thing is, it doesn't feel weird at all! It used to be a tedious chore keeping everything inside, but not now.

I know that one day, I'll burst like a balloon. But I don't care. I don't like having to change & change. I wanna stay put here.

UGHS.

You people reading this, anyone for that matter. Prolly wouldn't understand a word I'm saying. Not you, not you, & definitely, absolutely not YOU.

I don't like to have people telling me how much they understand when they don't. & especially if they haven't even had such things happening to 'em before. So yeah. Leave me alone.

I'm so much better off alone. & you know it.

Praying did make me feel better. But it definitely did not give spark me off with any solutions as to how I'm even gonna start fixing these relationships. BAH.

& that's not something good.

& I'm gonna be me. & I'll try to smile, so as not to let anyone worry. But then again. Maybe no one even bothers about my existence. Yeah. No one does.

And those people who have got so much free time on their hands to continue bitching. Nope, not you. Continue. It's a joy to see how pissed you get with me, when I didn't do anything to you. Haha.

2004-10-09T19:07:00.000+08:00

I'm terribly bored. Eliza's not online cuz she's prolly busy entertaining some guests in her home in Australia now. Boo hoos. Only talked to her for a little. =[

I keep going back to the one thing that I need to walk away from.

2004-10-09T01:19:00.000+08:00

Exams are a time where a kid's social life, which proves to be of great importance to one's mental or whatsoever growth that may be involved, is adversely affected. Haha.

Nah. I was just stating some lame philosophies of mine again.

But seriously, the past 2 days of pathetic mugging has drained my physically as well as mentally. I've safely completed my English P2, Science Physics, Chinese P2, and my Social Studies papers. It didn't go by that smoothly though. I think I kinda screwed my English as well as my Social Studies. Social Studies was more of a killer than the rest though. Considering the fact that even my teacher thinks I screwed up a 5-mark question. Haha. I won't be as fortunate to top SS class now. Boo hoos.

Maths P1 and F&N's on Monday. Wahahaha. I've only mugged 3 units outta a total of 13 for F&N. I'm gonna let go of Maths for now, cuz there's absolutely no possibility of me passing it unless some miraculous miracle happens to me. Haha.

Oh. And I spoke to Natalie for quite a while on MSN. Yeah. So I gotta new friend! She's from GMSS and she's Sec 4 this year. So yeah. Ganbatte for Os, kayys? ((: It was nice talking to her, perhaps cuz we both could like relate to one another or something. She kinda 'woke' me up somehow. And it made me realise how people could grow to hate one another. It seems weird to me. But then, she said that this is the real world. Oh, and she welcomed me into it. Haha. But this kinda thing, don't expect a warm welcome. Haha. She's really nice and friendly. So yeah. I'm glad I got to know her & Eliza too. ((: Would love to meet Nat one day. Perhaps when Eliza's back here in April. Now I'm eagerly looking forward to that.

Singapore Idol results were a total letdown. Once again, the nation didn't manage to eliminate the constipated duck or otherwise commonly known as Jerry Ong. He shuddave been out like ages ago. Interested people who wanna bitch about the duck can go here. And if you wanna sign the petition, go here.

Yeah. ((: Sign the petition & get Jeassea back!

Whees. I'm having a terrible tummy cramp. -cries- It hurts so bad. *ouch*

Anyway. Nat's a fun person to talk to. So heyys Nat! -muaks- ((:

2004-10-05T20:05:00.000+08:00

Say all you want. Scold all you want. Did I put words into your mouth? I didn't even mention who I'm talking about. I can be scolding some other people what.

I can't be bothered to talk about you. So yak on all you want.

BAH.

2004-10-05T04:17:00.000+08:00

Go on & say what you want. It's your mouth anyway. Riight? You would prolly agree, so yeah.

Words can't bring me down. Don't think you can. You will never be any of my weakness. Pffft.

Anyways. Say what you want in Friendster. Bitch all you want.

I can't be bothered. It's just like pot calling the kettle black. And since you like to scold so much. I'll let you vent your fustrations on me. Hurhurs.

Go on.

I won't retaliate.

And I reassure you that.

If you wanna come and hit me, slap me. Go on.

I won't retaliate.

Cuz maybe only that can appease you.

Or maybe even that won't.

Do whatever that pleases you.

2004-10-04T20:22:00.000+08:00

Scars are only skin deep.

Oggays. Not being suicidal at all.

& I'm not depressed. Prozac's not for me at the moment. So yeah. Chill kayys.

The exam fevers are getting to my head, nonetheless.

I was just thinking. How many people are actually my true friends? I would say not many.

& don't mistake me for being depressed. So yeah.

No matter how much I may hate myself deep down inside. I've sworn never to let it show. So yeah.

Scold me a bitch. Scold me a liar.

I'm living a multi-faceted life. & I'm terribly sick and tired of it.

Sorry Eliza. If my words hurt you in any way. I don't mean to do that to you. It's just me. Maybe cuz the time we shared weren't exactly long, you still hadn't gotten a chance to know the real me.

In the past, I always thought that holding back tears were the worst thing and hardest thing I can ever do. But not now. Not now. It's so natural now. Haha.

Blame no one else. But me. It's just me. So yeah.

I'm sad today. But I'm not, NOT I repeat... suicidal.

If I cut. It's just an outlet for the pain. Don't blame me. I know I'm gonna make Eliza worry if I do. But if I really do. Don't blame me. I love you guys. ((:

2004-10-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

So yeah. Guys. I've "relocated" my blog. Haha. With no thanks to some people...

Got kinda sick of people who like to stir up unnecessary trouble. It's not as if I'm as free as they are anyway.

Whees. I'm back to my cheerful self.

Anyways. ELIZA!!! Where are you???!!! I miss you tons. Talk to me sometime soon when you're online kayys?

I'm being such a bitchy bitch lately. Haha. And I feel good. Whees!

And for people who are too free to be bitches all the time. Go on. I ain't gonna stop ya.

Tum-dee-dum. I'm so dizzy with euphoria. Lol. Studying my Chinese "ting xie" now. Ughs. Haha.

School tomorrow. Yucks. Haha. So "sians".

2004-10-02T19:49:00.000+08:00

Shut the fuck up.

I've had enough, man. It's not as if I haven't got any other things to do. Besides, I need to chill too. For God's sake. I'm not some Cinderella at your every beck and call.

And those ~~fucken~~ slappers. I didn't do anything to annoy any of you. So the four of you can shut the fuck up. All you guys have got to say is antipathy balls. What else? Besides, I've never offended any of you in any way. I've always treated all of you as my friends. I never wanted for anyone of us in class or in the level to be enemies. That was never the case. But whatever it is, it's your choice to hate me. And so be it. I can't change it.

I'm getting so sick of everything man. Why is all these even happening in the very first place? All I wanted was peace. Friendships. And no backstabbers, betrayals, and bitching stuff at all. Guess it's all part and parcel of Secondary school life afterall, and I can't run away from it.

It was nice talking to him today. Missed him tons. ((: He went for a haircut today. Lols. Wonder how he'll look. Haha. I still owe him apple strudle and his shirt. Yeah. I still remember, so don't worry. Geeh. And he's gonna wear a suit for his prom. I'm like "Phwoar. Suit?!" Lol. But I guess he'll look charming in it. Wahahahas. And girls would swoon at his feet, including Current Liability. -rofl-

I'm so bored now. I merely managed to get past the first unit of F&N and now I'm stuck at the second one. How productive my mugging has been. Haha.

I'm so so so worried about my End Years man. Gosh. I'm still figuring out how I'm even gonna pass... BAH.

Then there's the problem with my folks. Wonder what's up with them both. Pisses me off totally. One's like totally quiet at times and the other flares up for no apparent reason whatsoever. And then I get it all. How nice. Phffffft. That's what you get for being the eldest kid. Ughs.

This sucks, awright. When everything else seems to crash down on you.

But each thought of you pulls me through my every day.

My bao bei CharChar got a bloggy too. Gee. & I'm gonna help her design her layout. Whees. But now I must go look for inspiration. Mugging has seriously ripped me of creativity. Haha.

Oh. And Eliza's back from Bendigo! Haven't got a chance to talk to her online yet. But yeah. Miss her loadsie! ((: Can't wait for her to be back here in Singapore next April, which still seems rather far away... Haha.

And See Ling!!! Read my blog then never tag. Humpfff. :((

Oh yar. I'm seriously pissed with the Singapore Idol's results last night. TOTALLY PISSED. Singapore is either crazy or outta their minds. Seriously... How could they have let slipped of a perfect Singapore Idol?! Jessea got eliminated, along with Bev. Fuck you, Singapore. Jessea!!! God knows why she got eliminated. It's cuz of all those dumb asses who thought that they didn't need to vote cuz she was "confirm in one lah".

Guess I'm wishing my life away. With these things I'll never say...

2004-10-01T21:31:00.000+08:00

Had my languages Paper 1 today. Haha. English wasn't so much of a killer, but Chinese was. The questions sucked. There was literally nothing for me to write. Boo hoos. Haha. I wrote the lesbian story again. And the girl ended up killing the other girl and went crazy and went into an asylum. Haha.

Whees. And the Hall was so friggen cold for God's sake. Brrrr. Everyone was like freezing, and the PMS-ish bitch ha to keep everyone back for what seem liked ages cuz of the inconsiderate minority who chose to report late for the second paper. Hurhurs.

Haha. I've got new names for people! Current asset, fixed asset and a current liability. Haha. I think MX knows, so does YM and my fishieballie. Gee. Haha. But fishieballie thinks that the current liability shouldn't be a current liability but written off as bad debts, or preferably depreciate by the straight line method. Haha. It must be the exam stress getting to all of us. Haha. But that's funny. Too bad if you don't get it. Lol.

Some sodding idiot thinks I took the poem from a book. Phffft. It took so long to write you dumb!

2004-09-30T18:46:00.000+08:00

Shut up.

You should be doing something more productive than yelling and hollering at me.

Tomorrow's my first paper. And I didn't go to school today. Woke up feeling unwell.

Studied F&N. But it proved to be not-very-productive-indeed. Didn't manage to get past the first chapter when I've got 13.

Tomorrow's my languages paper. Kinda nervous now... Haha. Haven't written a satisfying compo for ages. Boo hoos.

Eliza's gone somewhere... Oh, Bendigo. Haha. Haven't been seeing her online too. -cries-

I'm freaking out soon, man. Ughs. I've got like tons to study. Even though I've studied some, I still feel so nervous. The final years are screwing me up.

It takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has. But it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all...

2004-09-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

ARGHS. ONE friggen day left to my first paper. -shrieks-

So much has happened lately. Wahahahas. So much that I can't even remember everything.

I know I didn't do well for POA Class Test, then I've got tons of work not done. And exams are on 1st October. And so many things have been happening. Boo hoos.

Seriously, I really don't know what to say man. I've got like tons to say. But I don't know how to write it out.

I revised one of my old poems last night and kinda gave it a nicer ending, and ended up making it long as well. Haha. He's got the old versh too. But now the new one is better, just that I'm not in the mood to type it out here right now. It's in my little orange book.

Gosh. There's like 12, or is it 13 units to study for ~~fucking~~ F&N. That totally sucks.

I seriously have to start mugging soon. Although I'm the type who doesn't mug till I found out how Upper Sec life would be. BAH.

Was very late for school this morning. And fucking Mdm Lina made me run one round around the school in 2 friggen minutes when I was writhing in pain cuz I was having a fucking cramp. Ughs. Then she made me do CIP tomorrow afternoon, but I've got extra lessons with many thanks to Miss Grace. So I get to skip it. Shuttup Lina. You suck.

I know it's not like me to use such words. Haha. Or even be cussing such vulgarities on my precious blog on my teachers. But I guess the stress and pressure is getting to my head. Ughs.

Just did the cover for him and gave it to him on Tuesday. -smiles- But, it isn't well done in colour. It'd have been so much nicer if I did it in black and white with shading and all with pencils... -cries- Ooh, and I gave him another test-tube. Wahahahas.

In a moment, everything can change.

This is so damn true. You never know when something's gonna change. Be it friendships, or whatever for that matter. Just everything and anything can change... in a moment.

Did I tell you about one of the F&N teacher who wears the exact same thing every same day of each week. She is always in a white lycra top with a dark grey trousers every single Wednesday. I'm still pondering why she doesn't bother to pick up any fashion tips from my other F&N teacher, who at least, isn't so much of a fashion victim. -rofl- Even if she doesn't get sick of wearing the same thing, we as her students do get sick of seeing her in the same thing every week. Gosh. It gets on my nerves somehow. And she sucks totally, too. Cuz she's setting the End Year papers and she's gonna come up with tons of questions which only SHE knows the answer to. Hurhurs. And she can even give questions from Semester 1 which she, didn't teach, because Miss Amy Ong (yes, the pretty lass), was still with us back then. Humpfff. If Miss Ong is still here, Miss T.S.O can fuck off. Pfffft.

I miss you loadsie. Haha. Maybe she's missing you too... :p

2004-09-25T22:14:00.000+08:00

Whees. I haven't updated in like days... Haha. That's so NOT me. Geeh.

Nothing much happened. Unless you wanna go into the dark details. I don't suppose you want.

POA Test was totally screwed. I couldn't balance the bloody thingae. Me, Stephy, MX and Bob couldn't balance it. Like WTF?!

Forget it. But there's another POA Test coming Tuesday. Ughs. My first papers are on 1st October. ARGHS. -pulls hair-

Sighs. I've been so blue-y lately. I'm back to it. What can I say, that's like the only outlet for all the angst, the pain, the sorrows, the un-cried tears, and the unhappiness. There's only one cut on my hand. That cut has loads of story behind it. Loads. Not just one.

Everything seems to be screwing up. My life is screwing up on me when it isn't supposed to... Sighs.

Maybe she likes him too. That's like so true to me. The way she talks about him, asks about him and all. And yeah. I'm going to her birthday party, and he's going. I'm not jealous or anything. I just wanna know the truth. Whether it's gonna hurt me, her or our friendship, I don't care...

I miss him loads. Sighs.

Anyway, I'm using my old number from now on. 91808119. ((: Call me yeah. Haha.

Oggays. I'm so desperate for company. Sighs.

Anyway, to A and S. Good luck to the two of you. Hope you two can like get together or something. S, take a risk when you have to... Don't let it slip by you. A, be a dead romantic if you have to. You actually MUST be one... You have to impress her, reassure her, and make her believe that your feelings are true. All the best, yeah?

So envious of them two. -cries- Haha. So sweet... I haven't seen 2 people like get together in like ages. Haha.

Love is such a funny thing. It knocks on your door when you least expect it. Haha. It did on S... =p

I miss you so much. Sighs. Prelims are over now. But you still gotta hold on to the very end... ((: Always remember your targets, and work towards them. Miss you to bits. )):

2004-09-22T20:34:00.000+08:00

Everything isn't right. Everything is out of place. This is making me sick. My life. My family. I'm so sick of everything.

My grades. They suck.

And everything is out of place. Even me.

2004-09-21T20:56:00.000+08:00

Whees. I'm having a terrible backache now. *ouch* It hurts all over. Boo hoos.

Today wasn't so bad. Physics was kinda cool. Even though the Physics test I did was very badly done. :p Whatever. Then Mrs. Ho taught us a little about total internal reflection. So cool. Haha. Kinda fun, even though half the class were either too tired to listen after P.E or were just off in DreamLand.

Wenta collect the photos today. Haha. And developed some more. Gee. I'm becoming a photo freak. Gonna start taking more and more cute pictures in class. The more candid, the better it is. Muahas. Developed the Meng Cheng one for Stephy. Haha.

Today was fun. Yays.

Anyway, Stephy's fishes keep dying. Haha. Must be her, not fated to be a fish owner or something. Haha.

Anyway, Eliza, I've bought your gift, or half of it only, but I guess I won't mail it to you... I'm too afraid of the mail getting lost somewhere. -cries- So you have to come back real soon so I can pass it to you, aite? -muaks-

F&N is due tomorrow. -shrieks- Haha. I will get it over and done with. Haha. Am bored now.

Yesterday was like the best day of the week. Haha. It's so nice to be able to hear his voice. Gee. I'm sooooo crazy. I know. Haha. Fancy going all goo-goo and gaa-gaa over his voice. Haha. Misses him loads.

If only everyday of the week was yesterday...

I still miss him. -cries- But he's gonna be like wayyyyy too busy to call. Besides, I ain't important. Hah.

2004-09-20T20:46:00.000+08:00

Whees. Today isn't such a bad day afterall. Cuz there's school, there's friends... Whees.

But the only bad part was that I semi-screwed my Chemistry Revision Test. I kinda totally lost it... Haha. I didn't even understand what the paper was saying. Seemed to me like it was written in German or something. Haha. And there was the terrible F&N lesson. ~~Semi-~~screwed my coursework a little. Stupid evaluation. Stupid Miss T-S-O.

English was aite. 'Cept for the part Ah Bok a.k.a Timothy victimised me by calling up on me to read the dumb speech I'd written about MX. Totally screwed up our friendship, I guess. That's such a sad thing. It's like he's really a very good friend to me, one very important friend I have to say, yet it's now like this. All cuz of what? I don't know either. This sucks man. Losing a friend cuz of what people are saying.

Maybe it's me who screwed the friendship up.

I just want the friendship back. Is there no such thing as platonic relationship to these dumbasses?

My life is screwed man. I'm so fucking fustrated. But at least, when I'm in school, it doesn't show as much. And there are the goody pals, Adel, Tim, Steph, YM, QT, and of cuz MX. Love them all. -muaks-

Whees. I bought the Body Shop thingae. All 9 of 'em. So cute!!! Haha. And so nice. Whees. It's so fun to spend time with my gal pals. Yays. Love 'em! -muaks-

I miss him so much too. Boo hoos.

Oh yeah. AC.E, you MUST teach me my Chemistry!!! And Maths also. Haha. =)) Love ya for that... Haha.